Ryan Swain's Lounge Discussions

I am about to embark on my first full-length script in 5 ½ years. Early this morning I made this Facebook post to my friends describing my performance anxieties and some of the process I’ll be going through. (I think telling all my friends at once is going to be beneficial because I’m not the kind of person that likes going over the same material with each individual over and over and over again. A bit about myself first. My favorite things to write about are aspects of American history. 19th century, in particular. My favorite time periods are the Wild West, Civil War, and American Revolution. I’m also interested in a wide variety of other historical subjects like pirates, Depression-era gangsters, baseball players and much, much more. I research my subject (story) as thoroughly as possible. This particular one I’m about to embark on is going to be a two-parter. (I’ll worry about trying to sell it later.) I’ve got about 100 pages of notes for each of the two parts of the story. And now my post to my Facebook friends from early this morning . . . To all my far-flung friends, I'm not sleeping tonight. I'm thinking more and more about making the commitment to writing another full-length script. It's been 5 1/2 years since I finished my last one. I'm feeling nervous and anxious and a little excited before this one. I used to feel a lot of dread before I started something that size, because I knew the amount of concentration and immersion it would take to do it. And I didn't think I could commit to it. Before that, there was a lot of worry beforehand, because I didn't think I had to the ability to do it again. But every time, once I finally sat down and concentrated on the subject, I found that everything was going to be all right. There was just going to be a little part of me that was "gone" because my mind was on my script. Now when I think about when I'm going to sit down and commit to another one I get a little anxious and jittery in anticipation of what I know will come. I will try to get all the little things around the house or whatever done and out of the way, and keep doing that until I can settle down and work. Then once I start, I may be a bit distracted at times or lost deep within myself cause I'm thinking about the story. Or other times I'll be so tired from too much thought that I won't feel like communicating with anyone at that time. And sometimes, if you watch me close when I'm not noticing, you may notice me "not in the room" even though I'm sitting right there. Like a vacuum or black hole or something. (Please let me stay where I am.) And then about 2/3 or 3/4 through the first draft, I'll burn out on writing it and come up for air for a few days or a couple weeks or something. Until I’m ready to finish it up. I've done enough of these to know that's about how it's going to be. I don't know at what volume my posts here are going to be. There may be more if I want short breaks from my main story. Or they may be more sporadic cause I'm doing something else. Or maybe you won't notice anything at all. But until I sit down and do it, I'm going to be scatterbrained (more than normal??) as I try to avoid doing what I'm about to do. So wish me well, and I'll see you on the other side. Do any of you Stage 32’s have similar performance anxieties? Or can appreciate what I go through before and during the process of writing?