When Is It Okay To Say 'No' To An Opportunity?

I had a recent experience that we all more or less long for, regardless of which facet of the entertainment business we’re in. We all want an opportunity to knock at our door, right? And that “door,” so to speak, can be a text message, a phone call, an email, a social media direct message – heck, someone walking up to our table in a restaurant or (wow, I’m dating myself) standing on the WELCOME mat and ringing the doorbell.

The bottom line is somebody has work for us, and we need to listen because it’s going to lead to a payday, and that’s going to help us continue to pay the bills, meet other people, get more exposure, and, well, the list goes on. You get the picture.

So, in my case, here I was with someone who I didn’t know, sending me an email, saying that he is a longtime/regular reader of my weekly e-newsletter (that in itself is a blog for another time). He was contacting me because he said that he has a friend who needed publicity for a speaker/author friend of his.

As a publicist, this should make me salivate and shift into sales mode and drop everything to move this along to an introduction and work to reel in this fish.

Doing an Honest Self-Audit

True, if you’re an actor and someone has a role for you that is something you have no experience with, can’t “fake it ‘til you make it,” or simply goes against some of your beliefs and/or what you stand for personally, it’s easy to see when something is not a fit.

The fact of the matter is that our desire to get (more and more) work in the business sometimes gets in the way of sound judgment.

While we all long for work -- bookings, castings, getting published, whatever that looks like -- we shouldn't feel compelled to say Yes every time, as ironic as that sounds in a business where we hear No far too often and don't want to serve that decision to someone else.

But, in this recent instance, it ended up being a win-win anyway for me.

It starts with taking a step back and looking at what’s on your plate. So many of us are wearing multiple hats and are trying to keep our heads above water with the work that we already have. Some people have jobs they’d rather not be doing and rather not tell others about simply because they need a steady income stream to ensure that there’s money in their pocket and bank account. The time spent there still needs to be taken into account as you evaluate the bandwidth you do or don’t have to take on more instead of kidding yourself that maybe you can get more than 24 hours out of a day.

The other internal evaluation you need to make is this. If you DO take on this new opportunity that someone is offering you, can it only be by dumping something you’re already doing? And, if so, what can you stop doing, and how confident are you that you can let it go? What will you lose by waving bye-bye to that?

Coming Full Circle

When I replied to the email, I led with honesty. I knew that there was just no way I could take on someone else at the time. Even though I didn’t know this e-newsletter subscriber who was writing to me, I felt some sense of loyalty to him since he had been reading what I send out every Wednesday for quite some time now.

In fairness to him, I had to admit that I wasn’t going to be able to give the time and attention that his friend deserved, which wouldn’t be right for me to do to either one of them.

Interestingly, he had asked if I could consult with him, though, that he might be able to help his friend at some point. And that I was willing to do because I could activate such a phone call while I was driving – and I did.

What came from that time I gave him on the phone was value that he felt he got that left him wanting more. I provided lots of insights and tips, so he concluded the call by asking if he could book future consulting sessions with me. I was glad that he’d gained so much from the time we’d spent talking. I felt confident that I’d given him enough to go start helping his friend. But now I know that he will book sessions with me in the future to keep things moving forward. The occasional consulting session with him is a far cry from the time and workload that goes with taking on a new client.

Honesty is the Best Policy

You might be a video editor and have someone you know ask you if you could work on their project for them. What they need is exactly one of the services that you provide. But you’re already so busy that you start wondering WHEN you could provide those services. Plus, even more challenging is that it’s someone you know, and your inclination is to probably have to provide a discounted rate.

If you’re starting to picture yourself being up past midnight doing editing work for someone who’s not even paying you your full rate, that needs to be the red flag that leads you to a response that begins with, “Thanks so much for thinking of me. It means a lot that you would entrust me with this. I’m grateful for the consideration, but I’m sorry that I need to turn this down.”

There’s still an opportunity for a win-win for you here, as I also experienced somewhat recently with someone else.

A little ways back, a past client contacted me about wanting to hire me to produce, record, and edit a new podcast she wanted to start. I knew how full my plate was and that my rates had increased significantly from when I’d worked with her in the past. Thus, I said the above, and upon my “No, thank you” and turning down the work, she expressed how much she admired my position and wished she could be committed too to not taking someone on just because you think you should.

The reason this one turns out to be a win-win is that rather than leaving her hanging, I immediately shifted into referral mode. In fact, I suggested two other potential service providers. They both appreciated me thinking of them, and she DID go with one of them, which is always a nice position to be in (making a referral).

ABOVE: Using videoconferencing, as shown here with me (right) doing a one-on-one consultation, allows you to be in service to people who are looking for your talents and expertise.

What’s Best for You?

As admirable as it is to be someone who wants to be in service to others, you do need to consider yourself. Congratulations if opportunities are coming knocking for you, but are you snatching up each and every one of them just to appear busy and try to create demand? Or are you looking at them with a discerning eye and truthfully deciding if it’s what’s best for you?

I once had my spiritual director tell me, “Say No today for a Yes tomorrow,” followed by some supporting examples.

As tough as it is in the entertainment business to, gulp, consider turning down work, know that if you do so from a good and honest place, it will come back to you in a way you probably don’t even see yet. And you won’t have to be up at 1am working for half price or learning dialogue for a short film that deep down you really have no desire to be in.

Let's hear your thoughts in the comments below!

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