Screenwriting : Help Me! by Mark Deuce

Is the English general the ancient evil, Mark Deuce?

Yes Mark Deuce is the English general the evil sourced

Mark Deuce Is the Demonic General a demon or a human who trades in demonic rituals?

Yes Maurice Vaughan

Yes Pat Savage

The General was turned into a vampire David Blaustein

Mark Deuce

In medieval France, Joan of Arc hunts a vampiric English general and his soldiers to stop him from plunging the world into eternal night.

Or: In medieval France, Joan of Arc hunts a vampiric English general and his soldiers to stop him from plunging the world into eternal darkness.

Mark Deuce My take: "Joan of Arc is forced to battle a demonic British General and his army of Vampire soldiers to prevent the world from plunging into eternal night." -- Explained: This is simple and to the point. It's not necessary to mention Medieval France because, well, Joan of Arc :) Even though she may "hunt" vampires in the film, I think -- just my opinion - that you risk turning people off due to the similarities with "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter." Although that might not be an issue, I would avoid it so it doesn't become an issue. I hope that helps.

Joan of Arc must save the world from vampires that fight for an endless night

I agree with David Blaustein comment that JOA is superfluous. I like Maurice Vaughan 's, except I would make a small change ... English Vampire General ... It flows easier, I think. Also, a Vampire is expected to have vampiric traits.

I'm willing to give some feedback, but I can't really do much to help you find the most meaningful things to highlight going off what you have already chosen to highlight. A few paragraphs about your intended audience and what they can expect to talk about on the car ride home would be very helpful...

Thank you so much Maurice Vaughan I love it!!

Really appreciate the amazing fedback and logline David Blaustein and you helped me alot!!

Thanks Charles V Abela

Short and very sweet Vincent Turner Thank you!

Thank you Kenneth Michael Daniels

You're welcome, Mark Deuce.

I just made the changes and thank you so much for your amazing feedback, help, and support!!

Looks like you got the help you need but I thought I'd chime in anyhow. I like to use the longline formula of: when this occurs, this happens.

When a vampire general marches his undead army toward medieval France, Joan of Arc must lead her forces to destroy the coming evil before the world is plunged into eternal darkness.

My pleasure Mark Deuce!

I'm a complete amateur, but coming from that perspective, I find the terms "vampiric" and "demonic" regarding the General a bit unclear. I was not sure if I was supposed to understand him as a literal vampire/demon, or someone aligned with the vampires who had metaphorical vampiric/demonic qualities, like being manipulative, self-serving, etc. I would put reference to the ancient evil before the description of the General to clarify these are supernatural abilities.