SYNOPSIS:

ROCKING FUN MUSIC tm Records by Kellie M. Levans http://www.rockingfunmusic.com Your small town music store and rock bottom rental unit. If the world could only see inside the open doors of this mad music shop. LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY/ CLERKS/SEINFELD/ FRIENDS & " THAT 70’S SHOW" WATCH OUT HERE COMES....

ROCKING FUN MUSIC TM RECORDS REALITY NETWORKS

Rocking Fun Music tm Reality Networks Official http://www.rockingfunmusic.com Reality series page http://www.rockingfunmusic.com/HERE-IT-IS-.html Youtube http://www.youtube.com/rockingfunmusic I am registered with the WGAw and trademarked. I hope to work on this exciting project in conjunction with Amazon Studios or others who can help this reality series come to life either live , sitcom, movie etc. ROCKING FUN MUSIC tm Records By Kellie M. Levans 549 N. Pine St. Burlington, WI 53105 http://www.rockingfunmusic.com ROCKING FUN MUSIC tm Records BY KELLIE LEVANS WGAw This is only the tip of the iceberg. All episodes are based on real life experiences. I have another 100 episodes to write. We also have been filming our reality show on Youtube since 2004 Link will take you to trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbuVmUTWdrU&feature=results_main&playnext... ROCKING FUN MUSIC tm Records 1 BEAUTY SCHOOL BOGUS We meet Zoey and Janis in the back of the music store where Zoey is streaking Janis’ hair blonde with a saxophone cleaning brush. The two of them bicker and fight as all the characters of RFM make their appearance in the kitchen. EPISODE 2 GIVE ME SOME WATER Janis’ condo floods and she gets carbon monoxides poisoning in the same 24 hours. We reminisce with Zoey on how Janis, and Bart helped chapter her to the hospital for her secret drinking binges. 3 FIRE ON THE BLOCK The Mexican grocery next to RFM is a victim of arson. Bart and Donny almost die of smoke inhalation. Zoey upsets them both. Donny and Bart almost get arrested for saving TOY(store Cat)from fire. Janis reams Burlington police Department for shutting store down during fire fight. Fire filmed by all Milwaukee ,and Chicago networks. 4 PAINTBALL SNYPER We meet Geo(the music studio producer next store)He enters RFM in a frenzy looking for dudes who shot out his window and “The Blue Carpet” (local tavern) window. Geo, Bart, Donny, and MAD USA (music store Rottweiler watch dog) try to apprehend sniper. 5 THE LUCK OF THE JAG Donny buys a Jaguar at an auction and crashes same day. Jag wasn’t paid for or insured! Zoey reminisces about when her ex boyfriend JAZ stole her car. The same day she ended up in the hospital. Janis’ breaks door down in store when she hears about the car and the accident. 6 GUESS WHOS BACK? Our guitar teacher quits with no notice. Janis hires ex-husband Ron to teach. The two haven’t worked together, ever! Janis’ sells the building next door to Ron for Karate studio. Tony (Janis’s mobster boyfriend from Chicago)makes rare appearance in store to meet Ron. Janis’ and Zoey are wrecks! 7 THE BOYS ARE BACK! Donny suffers from depression over car. Ex- prisoner /alcoholic moves in room next to Bart. Bart boycotts him and uses MAD USA to intimidate him. Zoey falls in love again with new long-hair rock star want -to -be, and breaks up with Jaz who is touring in New York. Tony and Janis remodeling condo and are fighting. Ron is trying to ban smoking in store. 8 SHE’S HAVING A BABY! Joey and CJ tell Zoey they are pregnant. Joey gets down on his knees and gives CJ a diamond while Metallica is cranked. Zoey wins custody of CJ after 14 years of court. Original Treatment by Kellie Levans ROCKING FUN MUSIC tm Records BY KELLIE LEVANS WGAw 1112850 Rockingfunmusic@att.net ROCKING FUN MUSIC tm Records A ROCKING FUN MUSIC tm Records EMPLOYEES/VOLUNTEERS ZOEY (Kellie) 37 RFMã Records MYSELF/ASSISTANT MANAGER/PERSONAL ASSITANT/(TO JANIS)PERSONAL STYLIST /STEVIE NICKS& JANIS IMPERSONATOR/COLLECTIONS Department JANIS 42 RFMã Records OWNER/HEAD OF ALL OPERATIONS/BOOKKEEPER/GIFTED MUSICIAN/SUPER MOM/THRIFT SHOPPER/DIVORCED/COMMON LAW WIFE OF TONY(?) BART 45 RFMã Records Gay RENTAL ENFORCEMENT AGENT/HEAD OF MAINTENANCE/CHEF/HVAC/MEDIATOR/ Has not found the one. The straightest gay guy you will ever meet. Bart moved to the store with me when we were both rendered homeless. We've been friends for fifteen years. Bart is the trainer& owner of MAD USA our rottweiler watch dog. DONNY 21 RFMã Records JANIS' OLDEST SON/MANAGER/GUITAR REPAIRS/DEPOSITS/DOLLAR STORE DELIVERY/BARTS APPRENTICE/MECHANIC/BASS PLAYER Afraid of girls/long hair grunge type(cute) CJ -16 RFMã Records ZOEY’S HIPPIE DAUGHTER/INFORMATION SPECIALIST/FOOD DELIVERY/ADVERTISING/VIDEO RENTALS AND RETURNS Favorite pass time activities: Watching Up in Smoke and Half Baked MAD USA RFMã Records WATCH DOG/RENTAL ENFORCEMENT UNIT 9mths TOY 10 RFMã Records STORE CAT/ MASCOT/Defected from store with Donny ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records B THE LOW DOWN Zoey(Kellie) Manager Janis' friend of 10yrs. Rock star wanna be desperately seeking musician husband karaoke queen/broke Janis' slave, aspiring writer Bi-polar and recovering alcoholic Suffers from chronic relapses Gambling occasionally Janis(Janey)Owner One 5 '11" , super model looking single mother of four. A former army musician, claims that she re- designed the Army uniforms for women. Severely addicted to caffeine and shopping. A former catholic school music teacher. Janis is extremely controlling and demanding. Janis has a secret life in Chicago, with Tony, her mobster common law husband. Janis also manages her ex- husbands (Ron) affairs.(yikes) More like I manage his affairs! Bart(Jimmy)(MAD USA ) his rottweiler guard dog always by his side. Emotional and irritable homosexual maintenance man , watchman , and chef. Bart is also a Certified Commercial HVAC Technician .Bart left the union when he moved above ROCKING FUN MUSICã .Bart is also Donny's mentor. Bart is the previous owner of The BLUE TABLE. The night club right behind ROCKING FUN MUSICã. Bart is currently disputing with the new owner of The Blue Table. Bart caught them dumping bottles in our dumpster. I'm in charge of reporting violations to the police, who are called to RFM almost daily Donny (Danny) Long-haired electronics expert, who hates the place. He defected from ROCKING FUN MUSICã last month. Janis and Donny had another fight over the price of guitar strings. Donny moved out of the music store with Toy (the music store cat). Donny moved in with Ron, (his dad). Ron is a sergeant in the United States Army. Ron is also in the army band. He has nineteen years in. Janis is seeking a section 8 mental disability for Ron,(without his consent). This is Donny's First time living outside of ROCKING FUN MUSICã. He was eleven years old when Janis bought the place with her inheritance. He still volunteers/works for Janis. CJ (Zoey’s daughter)Spunky and sassy. Getting her to work or go to school is like getting David Lee Roth to quit performing. Some things are easier said then done. CJ is loaded with spirit. She wants to go to beauty school. I suspect she is a future regular at Harvest Fest in Madison. ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records C ROCKING FUN MUSICã BY KELLIE M LEVANS LOW BUDGET KEEP THE MUSIC STORE OPEN AT ALL COSTS!!! TWO BLONDE BOMBSHELLS ONE GAY MAINTENANCE MAN A SPOILED GUITAR- HEAD SON A SPARKLY HIPPIE DAUGHTER A (VICIOUS?)ROTTWEILER WATCH DOG NAMED MAD USA BONUS "RENTERS" ALL REAL REALITY SHOW/SITCOM/MOVIE MUSIC STORE/ ROOMING HOUSE FRIENDS(?) FAMILY* COMEDYCHAOSCHARISMA ZANYZAPPYZEALOUS MAYHEMMADDNESSMUSIC THE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE NOT SO INNOCENT Your small town music store and rock bottom rental unit. If the world could only see inside the open doors of this mad music shop. LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY CLERKS/SEINFELD/ FRIENDS/& THAT 70’S SHOW WATCH OUT HERE COMES.... ROCKING FUN MUSICã ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 1 by KELLIE LEVANS JANIS “Zoey, turn that shit off before I FREAK OUT!” Janis removes the needle from the record. The only music store around that you have to sneak listening to music. Janis says she hears music in her head all the time. It drives her crazy and usually causes a screaming fit. I put the needle back on a Neil Young album... hey hey, my my, rock and roll will... ZOEY “I'm listening to music or you can do your own hair!" She knows I'll walk . It's Friday and I'm doing her a favor. ROCKING FUN MUSICã.is a vintage music shop located in the historical distract in Burlington, Wisconsin. The Rose Red of music stores. In 1940 our building was an all night band saloon for men only. If these walls could talk! It is said that Al Capone hung around here. I'm in the community Kitchen, located in the back of ROCKING FUN MUSICã.. I’m mixing powdered bleach and activator liquid. Janis is pulling her purple Victoria Secret sweater over her head. I throw her an old Bryan Adams shirt I was going to sell. She puts the shirt on and lights up a 120. I exit and run into the store front and snuff out the cigarette she already has lit. Bart hates it when we dub the community kitchen into a salon. Janis is getting ready to go home to the condo in Chicago to see Tony. I have only met Tony once in the ten years I've worked for Janis. He is a business man from Chicago. He looks like a famous designer. I call him Charlie because I only talk to him on the phone. I guess Janis and I can be considered his angels. All I know about Tony is He drives a 2005 Corvette and buys Janis all her diamonds. Janis says "What happens in Chicago stays in Chicago." I’m streaking Janis' hair blonde for the 4th time this month and the entire building reeks of the Wal-mart hair dye sale, cigarettes and cheap ELVIS incense. I’m painting Janis' hair with a small saxophone cleaning brush. ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 2 On most days the second she leaves to go shopping at the Salvation Army, I crank some Cheap Trick and open a Rolling Stone magazine. I grab a Busch Non-alcoholic beer that I stashed. I jam, Gonna Raise Hell... Janis will watch the surveillance tapes and threaten to fire me for the fifteenth time this month. ZOEY "Janis, when I get famous, Paris Hilton will be my new best friend. I bet she'll be nice to me." Janis' eyes squint, a look of distaste appears across her face. She looks behind and up at me ,as I'm pulling the goop across her already blonde hair with the Sax brush. Janis expresses as if it just occurred to her: JANIS "God Your my best friend. That's pathetic!" Wow she really pissed me off with that spiteful statement. ZOEY "You wait and see Janis. Someday I am going to be on the cover of The Rolling Stone with Paris Hilton and a Chihuahua I'm going to name JAZ!" (I reminisce) ...................... JAZ is one of my favorite ex- boyfriends. He is 25 years old, a heavy metal singer, has jet black, almost blue hair, long and vampire like. He is covered in tattoos and body piercing galore. Gorgeous! Janis doesn't want to hear his name . (Hence, why I want to name my dog JAZ.) Janis holds a grudge towards JAZ for fighting with her son Tommy at the firemen's dance. Tommy is the currant World Champion in Brazilian Jujitsu. It was a big joke around town, that a fourteen year old kicked JAZ's ass. Tommy is a lethal weapon, JAZ got out easy. JAZ is expelled from the music store FOR LIFE! JAZ stole my car a week after that incident. (THE SUMMER OF JAZ). He returned from his road trip seven days later with a full tank of gas, I might add! He came into ROCKING FUN MUSICã and gave the keys to Janis. Big Mistake! Janis informed Jaz to get out of State. She told him he was wanted for grand theft auto. Jaz was already on probation. He bolted with nothing except the leather on his back. ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 3 The truth was the cops laughed at us when we reported my car stolen. I had given Jaz the keys to go get me some cigarettes. The officer said “So sorry, your SOL!” I had a nervous break down! I hunted Jaz down in Lexington KY. WI Death Trip. No one else in the world has that yahoo ID. LOW AND BEHOLD. Jaz slithered into the store last week. He had been on the road for a year. He snuck up behind me and kissed my neck. “My beautiful Zoey." I almost fainted. I thought I would never see him again. I had to chase him out. If Janis saw him , all HELL would break loose! I got him outside and gave him the keys to my apartment. ZOEY "I'll meet you after work." I gave him a big kiss and ran back in the store. JANIS "Who was that?" I turned and there stood Janis at my back. ZOEY "My new boyfriend.” I ran back to my desk. Janis rolled her eyes and sighed. She knew I was lying. Bart ended up busting me out, as usual. I was smiling from ear to ear. When I got home from work that evening. NO JAZ! I had already heard he was at the bar across the street from my apartment with another girl. I went to the bar. I walked right up to the pool table as he was about to break. I was wearing my Calvin Klein jeans, my red snake skin boots, my (very revealing) red and black leopard spotted camisole, of course my black faux fur coat. ZOEY "Look at me you asshole! I look this beautiful for you. You have the gall to blow me off? I found your lame ass half way across the country. Do you not think I wouldn’t find you here?” I flung my hair ,put up my nose and stormed out. I ran home. I put on Pictures by Kid Rock and Cheryl Crow. I flopped on my bed /couch and cried hysterically UNTIL... He came back to my house at midnight. I'll spare you the phenomenal details...................... (Back in the kitchen. Janis is doing her nails. I’m still doing her hair. Whole Lotta of Love is playing on the turn table ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 4 I ramble on... ZOEY "When I get my break , I won’t have to come to work at this God forsaken Peyton Place. I won't have to be your slave, or deal with your ex-husband, mother -in - law , your four children , or be your IRS liaison. Guess what Janis? You'll need a new stylist too." JANIS "Zoey don't you f*** up my hair." Ignoring her, I continue to streak. Donny shuffles past us carrying a piece of paneling somewhere. The Rose Red of music stores. We now have four rental rooms, two penthouse apartments (Janis calls them that), a kitchen, three bathrooms, two packed full garages. The garages are packed with vintage guitars, rare Harley Davidson bikes, clothes, shoes, amps, a mini lumber yard, and furniture. Honestly, the place doesn't end! Janis has a gold mine. Every where you look black, white, and red! If it's not black, white, or red, we can put contact paper on it or cover it with paneling, and we do! Donny is drowning in his corduroy pants. His lanky 6'2"frame smothered in an oversized flannel shirt. His Long brown hair hanging down to his shoulders. A black beanie pulled so far down over his Kurt Cobain blue eyes, I wonder if he can see. DONNY "Mom it reeks in here. You need to quit dying your hair. It looks like shit! Put that cigarette out, I can't breathe!" Janis "Get out of my store!" She tries to stand up, but I have her by the hair. Donny throws the checkered piece of panel. He bolts out the back door cussing. Stan , a renter, enters the kitchen covering his mouth and gagging. He hands Janis money and quickly departs. I can hear Bart yelling, BART "Donny come back!" ( Mad USA is barking.) Bart and the dog are running down the alley after Donny's car. Janis is pacing and calling Donny. redial... redial... ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 5 JANIS(SPEAKING INTO CELLPHONE) “ Donny you better get back here, now now now! click Ding I look up at the surveillance screen. In walk two long haired teens. I put the sax brush on the table and walk out. I slam the kitchen door behind me. I smile ZOEY "Hi I'm Zoey. Welcome to ROCKING FUN MUSICã” I sell a Morrison shirt and an acoustic guitar made in China. I return to the salon. I'm trimming Janis' hair now. I continue... ZOEY "In our cover shot Paris and I will stand back to back. I pose for Janis " I'll be strutting my guess jeans, my Guns and Roses’ half top , of course my red snake skin boots! I'll be giving JAZ (my Chihuahua)a kiss. He'll look so cute in his Led Zeppelin doggie "T" shirt I'm going to make for him. What do you think about that Janis?" JANIS "Did you take your meds today Zoey." Ding Before I can even glance up at the surveillance monitor to see who just came in the front door. In flies my daughter, like a bat out of hell. Her flowing mane still sweeping behind her. This is the end...escaping from her plastered on head phones. Wearing a tattered Hendrix sweat shirt and my faded bell bottoms. CJ’s eyes are an entire new color of red. CJ “Ma ma, can I have some money so I can rent THE WALL? Joey(boyfriend)and I need a double cheeseburger too.” Janis signals for CJ to remove her head phones. JANIS ”CJ ,see those music books in the sink?” CJ averts her half opened eyes towards the sink. CJ “Yeah” ...rolling her eyes at Janis. Janis points to the ironing board with a blow dryer setting on it. JANIS “Grab that hair dryer and start drying the books. We had a leak last night. Your looking at $1000.00 worth of music. I’ll give you a buck a dry book!” CJ ”Hell No.” ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 6 JANIS “No money for you.” Janis puts her wallet away. CJ relinquishes. She puts her headphones on, lights a Newport, grabs Nirvana /In Utero ,from the sink and starts working. CJ (as she is blow drying book) “ I can’t believe the stupid shit I have to do around here, just to eat.” Janis “Cry me a river ,CJ” Janis and Zoey start singing Justin Timberlake and laughing. Bart storms in the kitchen, His bald head covered in sweat, out of breathe, holding his chest. He staggers to the sink and starts throwing books out of HIS cooking area. While gasping.... BART "You guys run Donny out of here. I have no one to hold the frickin' paneling. My kitchen smells like a barber shop. What the hell is in my sink?(he holds up a dripping Fleetwood Mac guitar tab book.)Needless to say, one of you is a TRADER and singing at The God forsaken BLUE TABLE tonight!”(Bart's old tavern) (Bart exits in a fit. Mad USA follows after him panting.) By now I'm fed up. I'm sick of doing Janis' hair. Every time I'm finished she looks in the mirror, screams bloody murder, (not exaggerating) JANIS "It's orange, I'm ruined! Tony's going to leave me. Oh my God, I’ll have to move back here! What have you done to me?” (ZOEY starts singing.... Welcome To My Nightmare.... I have to go through a half hour of convincing her it's blonde(which it always is). Janis cry's and carries on that she looks like Ronald McDonald. The only good thing is , as an employee benefit, I get to use the left over bleach for my roots. I can't afford to shop at Wal Mart. I have to look my best. It is a big night for me. I have to sing Honky Tonk Woman. It's karaoke night at The Blue Table. (shush...Don’t tell Bart! I tell Janis to have fun in Chicago. Janis hands CJ a fin. CJ and I walk out to the store arm in arm. We start singing “I’m as free as a bird now... I pull the open sign to close, unplug all the Christmas lights (year round), check for lit cigarettes, and lock the door. ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 7 Just another day of having ROCKING FUN ! I am Zoey. I'm a 5'1" blonde pistol! The aspiring writer, the dreamer, the drama queen, the Jesus lover, single mother, bipolar , wheeler and dealer, recovering alcoholic , Pamela Lee want to be. I'm a Cheap Trick FANATIC. I’m looking for a Rock Star husband. NO LUCK! I'm Always dating my ex -alcoholic boyfriends. I live in Mayberry as I call this town. New men are rare. I have resorted to internet dating. I am ready to settle for Heather Locklear’s leftovers.I am currently seeing a therapist, a gambling counselor, a psychiatrist, a back specialist. I usually attend AA meetings several times a week. I'm currently boycotting meetings because I had two stalkers from the One Day at a Time Club. I do all this after work and in between dates. Janis has me around because I keep her stable. I've been volunteering/or working in record stores since I was thirteen years old. All in the hopes to meet ROCKSTARS! To date I have: 1986 *Kissed Paul Stanley/KISS (security guard threw me, CJ's dad left me at the show in Milwaukee) I did get Paul's autograph! 1986 Got into an argument with Dave Mustaine(MEGADETH). I was working for Mainstream Records. Dave was still on the local band circuit. He tried putting MEGADETHS’ flyer up with out paying the ten dollar fee. 1989 Met Robin Zander /Cheap Trick/ #1 preferred husband No luck! He's married, again. I met him at age 19. Robin bought me a shot of Crown Royal at the bar my brother now owns in town.(fake ID). Robins first wife was from Burlington, WI. Back then he was around town. I also dated Robin's ex brother in law. Craig let me take home the kimono Robin wore at Budakon. I got to wear Robin's silk Kimono to bed for two weeks. Craig then had to return it to his sister (Robin's ex- wife. Wearing that kimono is the biggest privilege I’ve ever had to date. 2006 met Jon Brant and Tom Peterson /Cheap Trick 2006 I met Cheap Trick at a record signing at Wal-Mart. I got my picture with Robin. I was there with my new My Space boyfriend, so I couldn’t kiss Robin. I gave him my card and got a picture with him. ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 8 KIDROCK MY CURRENT HUSBAND HUNT. Kid and I have the same birthday. We are both Capricorn. Jaz is too. I could do a duet with Kid Rock. Jaz and I sing Pictures together. I have had plenty of practice. I cry every time I hear that song. It makes me sad. Jaz used to look right in my eyes when we sang. It makes me tear up thinking about it. OH WELL! I’ll get over it. I think I’m totally Kid Rock's type. I’m small, blonde, brilliant, sexy, and funny. I need to go to Detroit Rock city and find him at a club. I’m telling you, if I could get my reality show I would meet all the rock stars! I just need to get my break. I think I could get The Son of Detroit to settle down a little too! I tried to get back stage to meet him last summer at Alpine Valley, but I was busted. “Only God Knows Why?” UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE I met a Kid Rock look a like on My Space! BONUS! I told you I would get over JAZ. I will never get over Robin Zander though....NEED YOUR LOVE, NEED YOUR LOVE..... ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 9 ROCKING FUN MUSICãhas more action, dilemmas, laughter, family feuding ,personal tragedies and triumphs in one day ,than the Osbourne's had all season. Just check our surveillance camera videos! Your talking survival of the not so fit! No Payroll. We work to keep the music store open at all costs! We deal with : Historical codes Fire codes Insurance company's IRS (Levied Once) POLICE(entire file cabinet for police reports at RFM. FEMA Someone is always trying to shut us down! Hell no we won't go! Friends ,family, renters, students, scammers, and JAM-MERS. All on a daily bases. We are always in court for evictions. We have to evict almost all of our tenants. We barter with Janis for our time. Rent, gas money, my non-alcoholic beer, Bart's whiskey, Donny's latte, our cell phone bills, strings. CJ's computer ink(for back round checks),dvd's, clothes, shoes, and Smokes for everybody except Donny. He hates cigarettes! Maybe even a guitar or a microphone on a good day! Of course Janis busts ass for her bread and butter! More like her shoes (over 1,500 pair) FOR REAL! )and her bags (over 1,735) no shit). She logs all purchases on spreadsheets. Always hoping Janis' has a project. We recently opened ROCK AND ROLL RESALE! We sell Janis' overflow of odds and ends, designer apparel and rock memorabilia. Thank God for all of us, Janis has as many projects as she has customers and students and I have as many dreams as she has projects! We operate an extremely successful business. When you look at this GANG . It's against all odds! The total CRAZY TRAIN! DISFUNCTION AT AN ALL NEW LEVEL. You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet! ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 10 SNEEKS,FREAKS, and GEEKS come have some ROCKING FUN! Here is who you haven't met.Tommy 17, Ron Jr.19 , and Anna 16. The rest of Janis’ motley crue. We will see all of Janis’ children as dilemmas occur! Of Course you will meet Hally , our green haired lesbian guitar teacher. Radical renters, my mother who monitors the police radio for ROCKING FUN MUSICã Geo, the recording studio guy/artist next door. My freak friends, troubled teens, and broke musicians. What more can you ask for? You name it, we got it! Oh if the world could only see us having so much ROCKING FUN . I'm no longer allowed to rent above ROCKING FUN MUSICã Thank God! I lost my privilege as Janis says, FOR LIFE. In THE SUMMER OF JAZ. I had my very first manic episode in my life , at work! Let’s reminisce.... NO ROCKING FUN MUSIC DAY! The day JAZ returned my car and Janis scared him off to Kentucky. I flipped out. Janis called the cops. I was retained by the police and involuntarily committed to the psych ward . I was hospitalized for three days. I am currently committed to The State of Wisconsin Under law 51/50, until December 2006 ,because of the episode. While I was in the hospital... Janis had Bart and Donny change my locks. She then gave my apartment, with all my life belongings in it, to my cousin Melony. Janis begged me back to work the day I got out. My case worker requires me to volunteer in order to receive my state benefits. I went back. My hours now count as community service. My apartment was gone so I had to back pack around town for awhile. I was HOMELESS AGAIN! I stayed with an ex-boyfriend at his parents' house. CJ stayed with her dad. I winged it until I got my apartment two blocks AWAY from ROCKING FUN MUSICã ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 11 ZOEY “ NO ROCKING FUN MUSIC , can I help you?" That is how I answer the phone ,when Janis calls the store to make sure we are open at noon. If I'm late everyone assumes I'm drinking Not the case anymore, really. I've been sober 1 year. I had five years sobriety prior to The Summer of Jaz. I used to go on drinking binges and Janis, Donny and Bart, would hunt me down. On the days I need a break, I have to lay low or they find me. They usually track me at home trying to have a date. Janis always finds out when I took off to go to a concert. I have to call in sick. I usually get bathroom duty the next day. I literally have to go AWOL from the store each day. Janis doesn't let me leave. She calls me at home constantly. Ring.... ZOEY “Hello” JANIS “Zoey, where did I put my Keys? Where are my glasses? I can't see to drive to Chicago. I lost my gas card too. Tony is going to kill me.” ....babbling on and on.... ANOTHER... NO ROCKING FUN MUSICDay! Zoey-MIA /FOUND/Out on the road9:00AM /Two weeks after I got out of the hospital. The phone rings at BK's house. I am hung over and half asleep. I reach for the phone hoping it's someone who wants to party . My mother screams into the line....... "The music store is on fire, turn on the news!" I hang up. (I go to the frig and grab a beer, I slam it I turn on the TV, I stare in disbelieve. It appears the store is up in flames. I find Janis' number in my black book under: EMERGENCY I dial Janis (hysterical). I'm not aloud to call her at home in Chicago. JANIS "Hello... ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 12 ZOEY "Turn on the news we're on fire!"I yell as she answers. It occurs to me Bart and Donny are in the building. I hang up and dial the police. I am talking fast and slurring. I am still drunk from the night before.... ZOEY “Officer, Donny and Bart are above the music store sleeping...... The dispatcher immediately radios " two white males......HOLD" The dispatcher clicks back to me after what seemed like an eternity. DISPATCHER "Zoey, Bart and Donny have been located and are safe. (remember the cops know us by name.) I grab another beer and slam it.)"The Mexican food store near ROCKING FUN MUSICã is burning to the ground. The entire downtown area is being evacuated." she hangs up. Phone rings DONNY “You stupid idiot my mom thought I was dead, YOU FREAK!” I hear sirens wailing in the back round. I can hear Bart yelling BART "Your a neurotic cop calling drama queen Zoey. Get a Life, you ignorant Bitch.” Click I was just trying to save their lives! Phone rings, It's mom. MOM "Turn on the scanner, Donny and Bart are in trouble again.” I hang up and turn on the scanner. I get on my knees and praise Jesus for my friends safety. Donny and Bart got in trouble for trying to get Toy (store cat) out of the building. The cops wouldn't let them enter. Bart and Donny almost got arrested for disorderly conduct for entering anyway. Bart already has to many Disorderly tickets to count. Bart is always having words with the police. He still blames them for his club shutting down. Donny and Bart called Janis to inform her of the evacuation. Janis called the police to yell at them for not allowing entry to the store. Seven foot flames billowed over head. Lead thick smoke ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 13 was all any one could see for miles. News helicopters circled the area. The fire was being filmed live on every Milwaukee and Chicago channel. Our entire block was about to go UP IN SMOKE! Janis' buildings were at serious risk. Janis was home in Chicago watching on the news. she was upset her store wasn't able to OPEN! The fire was an arson started by Jaz's friend. The dude stole a case of Corona from the Mexican food store he was re -modeling. While drinking the beer it occurred to him he was on a surveillance video. The guy told the cops he didn’t want to be recognized on the video. He went back and torched the place in the night. Leno would love this stupid criminal story. Just another day of No ROCKING FUN ! Who knows what tomorrow will bring! Tuesday at noon. I already have my coffee from the only hip Cafe in town. I’m walking to the music store to open. Janis’ first lesson is at 1:30pm. I’ll have some time to chill, make some phone calls to friends, jam some music, and read some Billy Graham. Janis is coming back from Tony’s. I know she’ll sneak in the back door with her five or more packages from all three thrift stores in town. If Bart and Donny see anymore clothes the entire day is shot. Two volatile men slamming boxes around and cussing. Not a good scene. Janis tumbles in the front door, arms full with plastic bags, Cigarette hanging from her mouth just like Keith Richards. ZOEY “Look what the cat dragged in.” I say with a Coke in one hand , a cigarette in the other. I push a lesson schedule over my Billy Graham book. I’m walking over to turn “I Want To Rock and Roll All night and party every day... OFF. Janis looks to the video camera and then to me JANIS “Are they here?” ZOEY “No, I whisper. “What did you get?” I hope she got me something today. She ups the original price to what she deems worthy. I work it off. $5.00 worth of merchandise per hour. Today I get the black thigh high boots that she couldn't get on. Bonus! JANIS“Zoey , Tony gave me $200.00 last week for my hair ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 14 …now he wants to call the stylist and bitch because I don’t like it. I’m screwed. I told him I lost the stylist card. She pulls another coloring kit out from a plastic bag. “Touch ups tonight.” ZOEY “That is going to cost you two packs of smokes, plus a lottery ticket.” JANIS “Do you have on your roller skates?” Janis shoves the bags in a cello case and ditches the case in her studio. ZOEY “Hell yeah, I have on my roller skates. Let’s make some money honey.” I grab the Money Owed file and the phone. Janis disappears behind the desk and does the paper work from the weekend. I am in charge of collections. My first target: Jake/19 Jake bounced a check for a $150.00 guitar repair job. I’ve been after him for a while. I know he got out of jail yesterday. I call. I ask for Jake. Jake gets on the phone. I never met the kid, but his mom made him sound real nice when I talked to her. Janis wants to prosecute. I don’t. ZOEY “Jake this is Zoey, from ROCKING FUN MUSICã. “How was county.” He hesitates JAKE“ahh...” ZOEY “Well I hope they kept a bed warm for you. Janis is sending me to the police to file charges. You can bring us the money or your Gibson SG for collateral. You have 30 days. You pay or the guitar is ours.” JAKE “Man That guitar took every penny I made working on my Grandpa’s farm last summer. I paid $500.00 for it.” ZOEY “ Consider it bail.” You have until 6:00 PM.” click These are not idol threats. It is pretty well known around town not to screw Janis. We go to the police and we go to court. ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 15 Janis starts screaming for me to shut up. She is on the phone with the auto teller, making sure Donny and Bart didn’t over spend on the routine weekend trip to Menards. By the sound of the next howl, I’m assuming they really over did it. JANIS “Find Donny. Find Bart. I need the receipt from Saturday.” ZOEY “Janis they are putting in one of those claw tubs for the dude next door. Remember Geo? He used to teach here?” (Janis treats Geo like a trader for going on his own.)She knows damn well who he is. JANIS “Get ‘em here.” Now, Now, Now! Janis is stomping her feet. Janis’ student walks in. She has been teaching Carl for nine years. He is a sweet middle aged man with down syndrome. Carl’s lessons are the high light of his life. Carl and his parents enter smiling as usual. Janis exits into the studio with the trio. The best aspect of my job is listening to Janis play piano. Mozart radiates from the studio. The store takes on a rare lull. I walk to the kitchen. I dial Donny’s cell phone number. People get lost in the building. You never really know where anyone is at. ZOEY “Donny, where are you guys? Your mom is spazzing. She needs the Menards receipt.” DONNY “I’m at my Dad’s. I don’t frickin’ have the stupid receipt. Bart does.” Donny growls. ZOEY “Aren’t you with Bart.” DONNY “Leave me alone. I’m trying to play a video game. Don’t call me anymore.” I go back into the store from the kitchen. Janis peaks around the corner from inside her studio. She mouths to me JANIS “Did you find them?” ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 16 ZOEY “I’m going to try to figure out how to get up to Geo’s loft. “I’ll find Bart.” I go outside. Geo, has very high security. Better than ours. I walk around the building. The lot remains like a war zone since the fire. I try to avoid twisted metal. Pulling and knocking on boarded up windows and doors. Geo received a big insurance settlement for fire damage. Bart is helping with mass refurbishing. No luck. I give up. It’s like Hog warts over there. You need to be a wizard to enter. Weird! You never see anyone go in or come out. Geo mixes for a lot of bands too. Why don’t I ever see anyone? I’m walking toward RFM. I see this nice looking young man getting out of a car. He opens up the back door and slides a guitar case off the seat. I receive a very dirty look. I’m guessing from his mother. I hold the door to RFM for him. ZOEY “Sorry to meet you on these terms Jake.” He kneels on the floor opens the case and looks up at me... JAKE “Here it is.” Jake’s pretty, sad eyes looking up at me. Such a beautiful Mahogany Gibson SG made in Nashville, with two hum bucking pick ups in front of me. Donny really did some phenomenal work. Janis runs out of the studio. She has windows all around the studio so she can see everything. Music still in hand, JANIS “I’m locking it up in there.” She nods to her private teaching area. JANIS “Get a job. You can get it back.” she smiles. I sure hope Jake finds some work. If not, we can easily get $900.00 for the Gibson. Pays the electric bill ya know? Janis escorts Carl and his family out. JANIS “Give me that phone.” She dials frantically. “Donny find Bart. Both of you get here now, or I will have your cell phone turned off.” click Donny without his phone is like Kiss without their make-up. Incomplete ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 17 “Zoey, call Ron (ex-husband).Tell him these are not children he gave me. They are curses. Tell him they are destroying me.” She digs in her purse. She hands me a ten dollar bill. “Go get me a Red Bull and a Mountain Dew. Hurry! Hurry!” I walk to the gas station. (Ding) I return with Janis’ fix. Bart is holding a drill and shuffling through his pockets and drags out a wrinkled receipt. BART “Janis, I had to buy roofing materials. They are not cheap.” Bart says in his defense. JANIS “I told you and Donny to find me some scrap in that burn pile.” Janis points towards what used to be the Mexican Grocery, before the fire. JANIS “Why don’t you listen. Put a rubber roof on for God’s sake. You two are taking me to the cleaners. I’m not Geo. I’m not loaded with cash.” Donny slams through the back door. He obviously was observing Bart and Janis’ conversation from the electric eye in the kitchen. DONNY “Put your own damn roof on then. I’m leaving this shit hole and getting a job at Fender.” JANIS “You won’t leave. You didn’t even want to leave my womb.” Do you know how many hours of labor I went through?” Donny and Bart laugh, MAD USA is licking Janis every where. DONNY “Come on Bart, lets ditch this loony bin.” Janis chases after the threesome. JANIS “Get back here, you thieves.” They leave ignoring her. “Zoey, run to those taverns I used to find you at. Tell EVERYONE, $99.00 ACCOUSTIC GUITARS ALL DAY! I need to make up that money Donny and Bart spent.” I quick get on the computer and make up a one day sale flyer. I walk from corner bar to local eatery. I tell the regulars Janis is liquidating. You would be surprised how many intoxicated people take us up on the offer. Janis’ guitars are all over town. Best quality, best deal. ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 18 Do not, I repeat do not EVER mention WalMart(just opened last month) instruments in her presence. You will not get out of her store for an hour. It’s only 2:30. I’m already mentally drained. I have to leave for a while to see my therapist. ZOEY “Janis I’m going to my appointment.” JANIS “Zoey you can’t leave me too.” She starts to cry, but quickly recoups and gets back to the books. ZOEY “I’ll be back in a little while. I promise.” I hate leaving her like that. As I leave some guys from the bar are entering. Hopefully they buy guitars! I get back about 5 PM. Janis is in a lesson. Bart and Donny are in the kitchen. Bart is making tacos. Mad USA is waiting for any food to fall to the ground. Bart is drinking his evening whiskey from his Bob Dylan mug. Donny has the guts of a 1962 Gibson ES-1750 spilled across the kitchen table. ZOEY “Hi guys, What’s up?” I say cheerfully and refreshed. DONNY “Dah, What does it look like?” Donny looks up at me with a soldering iron still in his hand. I walk over to the turn table and put a record on. Bart and I start singing... Obla Di Obla Da life goes on bra, la la la.... DONNY “Did you see what mom got me?” Donny takes my picture with his new razor phone. “Now Bart and I can catch those assholes at the Blue Table red handed . Let them try dumping their bottles.” I tell him to take my picture again and pose. Janis opens up the kitchen door JANIS “I am trying to run a business here. Why don’t you all get out and go to Geo’s. Maybe he can support your lazy asses. Get the hell out.” SLAM I come back to the office area. Janis is pissed. I better get back to work. I call Ron(Donny's Dad) ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 19 ZOEY “Ron, I need you to write down how long you’ve been sleeping on the floor, eating only Army rations, and boiling your under garments in a Wok, for sanitation. I am trying to establish your mental condition to the VA.” RON “What mental condition?” Ron asks sounding confused. ZOEY “Janis said your institutionalized from the Army. That is a disability Ron. You can get compensation for that.” RON “What is that crazy bitch telling you now? Isn’t it enough for her that for the past twenty something years, I’ve prayed for the embers of hell opposed to another day of dealing with Janis. You fraternize with the enemy Zoey. I can’t trust you.” click Getting a section eight for Ron is like getting Ozzy to rehab. It will happen, but when? (Kenny G is emulating through the store. Janis is in a saxophone lesson.) Ding CJ and Joey come in. CJ “Ma Ma, Jaz keeps instant messaging you. He is going to Vegas and wants to talk to you about something.” ZOEY CJ, please send word to him I’ll be home in a little while. Make sure to send the icon that blows a kiss from me.” I give the kids $20.00 I made from selling a Sex Pistols album. CJ picks me up and twirls me around and gives me a big kiss. Janis exits the studio and shoos the kids out the door. She returns to her lesson. Ding (Brandy with Baby Jes on her hip) One of Janis’ rules is I’m not aloud to have personal phone calls or visits from my friends. Brandy my friend of 27 years ignores this rule. I get nervous, but am happy to see Brandy and the baby. Janis walks her lesson out. She fakes a smile, pats baby Jes on the head and runs off to the kitchen. RFM 16 Brandy is looking out all the windows. ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 20 ZOEY “ Brandy what is your problem?” BRANDY “Alfonzo is following me around. I wish the hell he would go back to Mexico.” She kisses Jes and rubs her pregnant belly, “We will be just fine without him.” Massive noise and clanking is coming from the kitchen. Janis runs out. JANIS “Is Alfonzo abusing you? Call the cops.” Janis hands Brandy the phone. BRANDY “No I’m fine. He just doesn’t allow me to leave the house. He’s parked outside.” Janis retreats back to the kitchen. Brandy and I sit and talk while Alfonzo is peering in the window shaking his ONE BLACK GLOVED fist. He won’t come in because we are known cop callers. Brandy gives me a hug goodbye. BRANDY “I’ll sneak out later when him and the kids go to sleep.” I hug Brandy and kiss Jes, Brandy leaves. I know I’m in for it now. Janis calls me in the back. She is drinking the cold coffee I brought her from the Doctor’s office and smoking a cig. Donny and Bart are all excited because I’m going too get bitched at. JANIS “Zoey, why, why, why? she shakes her head." Do you understand anything about being a professional? Is it a good work ethic to socialize at work all day? Zoey, your a phone whore too...I cut Janis off. ZOEY “Janis, I need my money you owe me for cigarettes. I have to go. Jaz is going to Vegas and I have to try and catch him before he leaves.” JANIS “JAZ, JAZ, JAZ! SCREW JAZ. You have to touch up my hair.” Janis looks at me with great need revealed in her eyes. ZOEY “I’m leaving, I’m ready to have a maniac fit Janis.” She hands me a pile of singles. Donny and Bart look at me with question and slight fear. I take the pile of ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 21 green. I sing and wave the 7 singles. “Money it’s a crime......I depart. I walk home..... Home sweet home. I turn on the stereo LOUD! I check my instant messages. I put on my tightest jeans and throw on a Stones tank top. I open a Busch NA. I slam it down. My apartment is right across from the bar. I never know what the night may bring. Ring ZOEY “Hello” JAZ “Hey Zoey it’s Jaz.” Oh my God this is the first real phone call from him. I’m freaking out. JAZ “Zoey, will you be my girlfriend?” I am in so much shock I can’t answer. ZOEY I stutter y-e-s.” JAZ “Zoey, the only thing is I’m gonna be out on the road. I’ll be gone months at a time. Will you be faithful to me?” Jaz sounds dead serious. Oh no. I made a date with that cowboy who is a guitarist for a country band for Friday night. I think that to myself of course. ZOEY “Yes, I will wait for you Jaz. I love you.” JAZ “Okay then you are my girlfriend.” ZOEY “Jaz, you won’t regret it. I’m going to be on a reality show some day. I will buy you a Jaguar. I mean what I say.” JAZ “Honey, I believe in your show, but I have my own money. I will accept your gift so I don’t hurt you.” Jaz sweet talks. ZOEY “Oh Jaz, I miss you.” BEEP BEEP “Shit, it’s mom on the other line. I have to go.” click click ZOEY “What mom?” She reports, MOM “Their is a fight in progress at BIG C’s (the bar across the street.) Craig your ex- boyfriend is ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 22 involved. I look out the window and see the action. Knock Knock I open the door there stands Craig. He is bleeding from his nose. Craig staggers in. ZOEY “Mom I got to go. Craig is here.” He is Bleeding. MOM “Don’t let him in.” I ignore mom. I hang up. I lay Craig down. I get ice and check him for a concussion. CRAIG “I whipped him, I whipped that boy.” Craig is all pumped up.” “I’m sorry I had to come here Zoey, but the cops are trying to arrest me. I had to get out of dodge baby.” Craig grabs me and kisses me.” ZOEY “Craig your bleeding. Jaz will kill you. I am his girlfriend now.” Craig burst into laughter. CRAIG “Come on Zoey baby, Jaz ain’t man enough for you.” ZOEY “Pass out Craig. I don’t want to have to kick you out. I want to check on you anyway to make sure you don’t have a head injury.” Craig gives me a sexy smirk. Oh man, Craig is so hot! This is a test of my love for Jaz. I’ve been his girlfriend for twenty minutes. I’m already tempted. I was a good girl. I snuggled with Craig, but that was it. I’m talking to Jaz on line. CJ and Joey are cooking eggs and hash browns. Craig is mumbling in his sleep. ring ring I check the caller ID. It’s Janis. It must be an emergency. She never calls after midnight. JANIS Zoey, Zoey, My condo is flooded. Janis has a condo in Lake Geneva she stays at during the week. The main froze. Everything is ruined. Janis is sobbing. “Oh my God, my Hard Rock Cafe book is ruined. My shoes Zoey. All my shoes are FULL OF MUCK ! ZOEY “Janis you have thousands at the store, your okay.” Tony will get you another book. JANIS “Zoey it’s flooded to the outlets. ”ZOEY“Janis, GET OUT!You can get electrocuted.” ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records 23 JANIS “Fry me, I don’t care.” My white rug.( more sobbing) ZOEY “Janis you go to a hotel. Donny, Bart and I will take care of the store.” I try to comfort her. “Janis be safe. I know it’s no rocking fun but we’ll make it.” JANIS “Good night ,Zoey. Thank you so much for all you do for me. I’ll call you at 11:00 AM to make sure you are up to open tomorrow.” ZOEY “Don’t worry the store will be open.” (Janis went to stay at a hotel and suffered slight carbon monoxide poisoning, from the fake fireplace, at the bed and breakfast. She still rocks on! Further scripts on request 2012 ROCKING FUN MUSICã Records update The Original store in Burlington Wisconsin was called Just Having Fun Music. The location was eminent domained in 2008. Kellie Levans /Zoey opened her own bricks and mortar location now called Rocking Fun Music tm Records … All real and the show must go on!!!! Kellie Levans Copyright 2004-2012