A rich hedonist playing out his fantasies in an exclusive club, receives an envelope containing clues on survival, discovering he is the toy to an unseen puppeteer within a sinister maze.
I'm not much into horror but I do like a nice cold sangria out on the deck during the summer. The tale sounds interesting but I think your logline could use a little tweaking to bring it into focus.
Hi Doug Many thanks. This is the reason I put it here, to get some cerebral feedback. I will probably get it right after another five attempts. "A hedonistic millionaire swinger finds an envelope in his presidential hotel suite, containing clues on survival, and discovers he is trapped in the sinister maze of an even richer puppeteer." My last go tonight. Friends arriving soon from Gatwick, with duty free from airport, so can mix myself a Sangria. Cheers Doug!
Hey Seth and Doug. I understand both your view points. "Sangria" has not much to do with being trapped in a bizarre maze, but the Sangria is a plant and payoff OBJECT in main plot and leads the protagonist there in the first place. I'm fifty per cent keeping it out of logline but as someone who haunts book stores, I've witnessed the wild card approach. I've ten more options however for this. Half the options do not mention Sangria altogether, but there are equal camps of critics who agree that a disassociated word in title, may kindle curiosity. Eg Myself picked up Black Dahlia, cos I thought what the f…. has a flower to do with a hard boiled cop Noir? Thanks Guys. I will re do this altogether!.
I'm not much into horror but I do like a nice cold sangria out on the deck during the summer. The tale sounds interesting but I think your logline could use a little tweaking to bring it into focus.
Hi Doug Many thanks. This is the reason I put it here, to get some cerebral feedback. I will probably get it right after another five attempts. "A hedonistic millionaire swinger finds an envelope in his presidential hotel suite, containing clues on survival, and discovers he is trapped in the sinister maze of an even richer puppeteer." My last go tonight. Friends arriving soon from Gatwick, with duty free from airport, so can mix myself a Sangria. Cheers Doug!
Hey Seth and Doug. I understand both your view points. "Sangria" has not much to do with being trapped in a bizarre maze, but the Sangria is a plant and payoff OBJECT in main plot and leads the protagonist there in the first place. I'm fifty per cent keeping it out of logline but as someone who haunts book stores, I've witnessed the wild card approach. I've ten more options however for this. Half the options do not mention Sangria altogether, but there are equal camps of critics who agree that a disassociated word in title, may kindle curiosity. Eg Myself picked up Black Dahlia, cos I thought what the f…. has a flower to do with a hard boiled cop Noir? Thanks Guys. I will re do this altogether!.
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LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!
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