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THE PAINTED COW

THE PAINTED COW
By Hans Nielsen

GENRE: Crime, Comedy
LOGLINE:

A fledgling private eye is called on to investigate a bovine murder on a Pennsylvania dairy farm, but instead of delving into a simple, routine case, the P.I. finds himself engulfed in a dark and sinister world of grift and corruption.

SYNOPSIS:

Note: This is the first in a series of three Harry Martini Feature-length Murder Mysteries.

After receiving a substantial work-related settlement, 40year old divorcee, Harry Martini, decides to hang out his own shingle, as a private investigator. Inspired by an urge to atone for his wild and criminal teenage years, Harry has now decided to go after the bad guys, instead of being one of them. His dive into the world of self-emplyment includes a purchase of a fancy sportscar, renting office space, running a local ad and even an investment in some new attire.

His girlfriend thinks he's nuts, but Harry keeps at it and eventually gets his first bona fide lead, from a local farmer, Randolf Sigurdsson, who lives in nearby Copper Valley, a thriving agricultural community. All gung ho and ready to go, Harry arrives at the crime scene, only to find out that the deceased is a dairy cow, shot dead the night before. Not wanting to look indecisive or weak, Harry takes the case on anyhow.

Harry spends the day at the farm investigating the crime scene and getting to know his new clients, which besides a stressed out dairy man, includes a dedicated farm hand (Mannfred Guntz) and a very inquisitive farmer's wife, named Helga. At the noon time sit down meal, Randolf invites Harry to go hunting on Saturday, the opening day of deer season. Harry proudly accepts.

In the afternoon, Harry leaves the dairy farm, stops at a frozen custard stand for a sweet treat and then returns to Wagon City, the place Harry calls home. Once in town, Harry heads to the local camera store to drop off his film from the day.

Coming out of the store Harry runs into an old acquaintance, who is known on the street as Vinny the Grifter. Vinny is on his way to see his parole officer, but the two men have a nice pleasant chit chat because they both were once juvenile delinquents in the same gang. Harry and Vinny part ways, each one in awe of the fact that have unexpectedly crossed paths after not having seen each other for ten years. Later on in the evening, Harry has dinner with his girlfriend, Helen, but the two break up.

The following morning, Harry has a robust roundabout with Rita Mack, the local meter maid, over some unpaid parking tickets. During the discourse, Harry learns that Rita grew up in Copper Valley and knows all the residents including the Sigurdssons. Harry asks Rita out to dinner (to discuss the situation) and to his surprise Rita excepts.

Harry shows up at the farm (about 9 a.m.), just as Mannfred and Randolf are rounding up the morning chores. When Harry drives up, Randolf and Mannfred are completing some repairs on a split rail fence that was crashed into, sometime during the wee hours of the morning. Furthermore, Randolf is none too pleased about Harry's visit to the custard stand, where it appears that the fledgling P.I. was asking the wrong questions to the wrong people. Randolf demands that Harry spend a couple of hours each morning helping with the chores. Harry does not like the idea one bit, but reluctantly agrees after Randolf describes the detail as “undercover work”.

The next morning, Harry has another informative on-the-street conversation with Rita, before heading out to the farm. During this day, a much clearer picture starts to emerge, as to why Farmer Sigurdsson hired a private-eye. Real estate prices in Copper Valley are going through the roof and as a result, financial pressures to sell are escalating. To further complicate matters, Harry learns from Mannfred that Randolf is having a love affair with the waitress, who works at the frozen custard stand.

Also during the course of the day, Harry meets Gunther Schnecker, the local Lutheran pastor, and Smither Jones, a Vietnam Vet, who is also an avid hunter. After lunch, Harry travels with Mannfred and Randolf to the local gun range for a rendezvous with Smithers for some target shooting.

As the week progresses, Harry visits the Reverend at his church office and picks up a big clue. The reverend's oldest boy, Luke, has a footprint that matches one of the the two sets of tracks found at the scene of the shooting. The next day at the Reverend's suggestion, Harry visits the local horse farm, home to some famous thoroughbreds and to his surprise comes across Luke Schnecker skipping school. He corners Luke, gets a verbal confession and finds out that Vinnie Shaw, alias Vinnie the Grifter, is heavily involved in the whole affair. As he exits the farm, Harry is pursued and a high speed chase occurs. Harry survives the event, but his sports car is totally messed up.

That night, Harry has his first dinner date with Rita. Rita quickly realizes the gravity of the situation and takes him home to sleep on the sofa. The next morming Rita's sister, Rosa gives Harry a pre-dawn ride to Copper Valley for the opening day of deer season.

For the hunt, Harry ventures out with Randolf and company. He is pointed to a tree stand, where he is told to remain for the morning, waiting for a big buck to arrive. No deer show up, but a hunting party that includes Vinnie does. Harry climbs down from the tree stand and engages Vinnie in a frank conversation concerning his most recent criminal activity, blackmailing land owners. Vinnie owes Harry one from their hoodlum days, so Vinnie agrees to take the heat off the Sigurdsson place.

Harry triumphantly returns to the dairy farmhouse and requests a meeting with Randolph. The two meet in the den, but Randolf is enraged as Harry lays out all the sordid details. He doesn't want a deal, he wants an arrest and chases Harry out of the den at gunpoint. As he leaves. Harry runs into Helga, who has been eavesdropping on the whole conversation. She gives Harry a ride back to Wagon City and tells Harry that he has done the right thing and that Randolf will come around to reality in a few days.

On the following Monday, Harry is paid for his services.

Nate Rymer

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