Disgraced secret-service major accidentally let out of Kremlin ice coffin after a decade in deep freeze seeks redemption from Stalin, who tells her she goes back in the ice unless she captures the rebel leader, but when she finally closes in on him, he thaws her brain and she remembers they were lovers. So they march on Moscow.

SYNOPSIS:

Once laborers Boris and Vladimir discover Major Svetlana Osipenko in the Kremlin basement and get her out of her ice-coffin up and running with a new uniform, she’s ready to go talk to Stalin. One small detail: it’s 2020 – not 1927, the year the dictator stuffed her in ice. That’s 93 years ago. Da, Comrade. Svetlana is nuts. Mad at the world and drinking like a fish, she’s no Sleeping Beauty wakened with a kiss. Vodka does the trick for her. And a whip to lash traitors with.

Good thing Boris found her one, even though it has time-traveling capabilities. After a few missteps that land the trio with Napoleon in 1812 and Rasputin in 1908, she cracks Boris and Vladimir back to 2020, bids them goodbye and whip-snaps herself back into the past to encounter Stalin. Major Osipenko meets the master of Russia and begs forgiveness. Stalin asks her if she remembers why he put her in ice, and she delivers her trademark line: “Can’t think, comrade. Brain frozen.” Stalin tells her to go downstairs and torture Andrei Volkov, leader of the ganja freedom fighters, for the location of the rebel camp. Then they can talk about forgiveness.

Svetlana doesn’t know the reason she got put in the ice is that she fell in love with Volkov a decade ago when she was sent to capture him. Now, ten years later, she’s forgotten they were lovers. She still thinks he’s the enemy. She beats Volkov, a vegetarian, with a slab of bacon, but just as he’s about to divulge names an explosion rocks the cell and he disappears. Osipenko returns to Stalin, who tells her to get Volkov or she goes back in the ice. She returns to 2020, recruits Boris and Vladimir, and whip-snaps them back to 1937 where they penetrate the rebel army hideout with Andrei Volkov and his inner circle. While Osipenko’s disguise as Dmitri the Pimp is convincing, she’s still outed. She, Boris and Vladimir are then lucky to escape with their lives.

Back in Moscow, Stalin claps her in prison and tortures her. Meanwhile, Volkov leads the freedom fighters to Moscow for the grand battle, but he, too, gets captured and stuffed in a cell next to hers. Stalin releases Svetlana because she agrees to hunt down the rebels pouring into Moscow. Volkov? He’s to be shot. But Boris and Vladimir sneak into the jail and free him. Svetlana runs into the freedom fighters, sees Volkov and faints. He takes her to his living quarters and thaws her brain with hot towels all night until she remembers they were lovers and she was becoming a rebel herself. Svetlana finally gets it! Brain NOT frozen, Comrade. However, at this point the Reds close in and recapture Volkov.

Svetlana leads the fighters storming the Kremlin and freeing Volkov, overpowering Stalin and his palace guard. Boris and Vladimir bring up Svetlana’s old ice-coffin and a long iron spike. Volkov and friends stuff Stalin in the coffin. Svetlana hoists a sledgehammer and drives the spike down through the red star centered on the lid. Stalin moves no more. Evil has been vanquished, and Svetlana Osipenko rediscovered the love stolen from her years ago.