This sounds like a fun, strange Underdog story, Mike Randazzese. Your logline is more of a pitch. Here’s a logline template that might help: After/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s title/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes).

The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: A _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s title/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion).

Loglines are one or two sentences. A one-sentence logline sounds better, and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it. Try to keep your logline to 35 words or less. Long loglines can make producers, directors, etc. pass on a project.

Avoid using “must” in loglines. “Must” usually means the protagonist is forced to do whatever they need to do in the story instead of doing it willingly. You might need to use “must” in a logline though, like when the protagonist is forced by another character to do something. Using “must” to choose between two options is fine.

Names in loglines are usually for biopics, well-known stories, and franchises (like Mission: Impossible).

Sometimes I put the location and date that the story takes place in instead of the inciting incident if it’s a Period Piece script.

All stories don’t follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow the template. The series logline for a TV show can follow this template, but the pilot logline and episode loglines for the show might not.

Thank you for the tips! Especially about the length of the long line, and why the shorter the better. This story is definitely more unique, to say the least LOL. More lighthearted than everything else I write. But I will edit this, and come up with something better. Admittedly I just threw this together (meaning the log line and synopsis) , I had this screenplay for a while now.

You're welcome, Mike Randazzese. I picture it being like Attack the Block/Hot Fuzz with pizza employees.

Lol It's funny you mentioned Hot Fuzz, because it is very much inspired by that trilogy. Especially At World's End.

Oh yeah, @Mike. At World's End. I've heard about it and seen promo, but I haven't watched it yet.

It's a good one! Kind of like hot fuzz where it starts out as one type of movie, but halfway through it turns in into something else. I like movies like that. From Dusk till Dawn is another one that shifts gears pretty quickly LOL

I saw From Dusk till Dawn way back, @Mike. I'll have to check out At World's End. Maybe an At World's End and Hot Fuzz double feature.

You won't be disappointed!

I updated the logline and synopsis. My issue has always been with pitching and marketing. I could write the screenplay, but explaining it is difficult to me. Like I know how to write a synopsis, but articulating the story and doing it justice can be difficult.

Hey, Mike Randazzese. Stage 32 has written pitch examples (one for a movie and one for a series). Stage 32 also has a verbal TV pitch beat sheet and a verbal feature film pitch beat sheet. You can get them by emailing success@stage32.com.

Here’s two Lounge posts with pitch advice:

www.stage32.com/lounge/screenwriting/Pitch-Advice

www.stage32.com/lounge/screenwriting/Pitching-44

The Pitch Practice is the best pitching resource in my opinion. Pitch Practice is every Thursday night at 5:30 P.M. PST/8:30 P.M. EST. You can sit in and listen to members practice their projects and give them feedback. You can pitch your project too, but you have to sign up. The hosts, Noel Thompson and John Mezes, take names during Pitch Practice for people to pitch the following week. You have to sit in and listen at the practice one or two times before you can pitch.

The Pitch Tank is an incredible pitching resource too. The Pitch Tank is where you pitch your script to an executive and get feedback. I think the Pitch Tank is every week in the Writers’ Room.

Here’s a free pitch webinar I suggest checking out: www.stage32.com/education/products/pitching-tips-from-the-pros-your-blue...

Something I do to market my scripts is post pages on social media, like First Page Friday, Third Page Thursday, and Sneak Peek Sunday.

Thank you for the info!!! I'll check it out. Sounds fun

You're welcome, @Mike.

Lol I just gotta say something. First of all, thank you all who voted and checked out this sample! It means a lot. But I gotta say, I pulled this one out of my ass and wrote the first few pages kinda half-hearted. I didn't think anyone would be interested, but thought it would be funny to exaggerate some real experiences working at a pizza restaurant in the early 2000s and add a horror element. This is the one I thought would get ripped to shreds and yet it has the most votes and interactions haha. Thanks guys! Really!