SYNOPSIS:

In this a comedy-spoof of TV murder mysteries, the world-famous mystery novelist and hobbyist detective, JEZEBEL FETCHIM (91; a dead-ringer for Angela Lansbury), is found stabbed to death in the sheriff's office of the quaint coastal town of Crabby Cove, the murder capital of America. Atypical inner-city detective, RITA DOWDY (40s; black), quickly finds that solving the case won't be easy with seven meddlesome hobbyist detectives in town. JENNIFER, the former Junkyard Detective (55+; perky blonde); HANDSY, the former Bakery Store Detective (55+; perky blonde); FATHER BEIGE (55+, Irish Catholic priest); ABERDEEN, the former Flower Shop Detective (30; tall brunette); HANK, the former Diner Detective (55+; tall, dark, and handsome); ANNA LIZA, the former Professor Detective (55+; powerful, black); and occasional visitor NANCY DROOP (55+; dresses like 14-year-old Nancy Drew), are determined to help solve the case with constant eavesdropping and quirky, nosy behavior. To make matters worse, the electricity is out in “the home,” and Jezebel is starting to stink as much as the investigation does!

Luckily, the town drunk, DOC (70s, looks older), is also the County Coroner. He lives in the basement of the home. Doc offers less-than-expert opinion during the autopsy, while Rita tears apart the Senior Home looking for clues and evidence.

Detective Rita finds that everyone has contaminated the crime scene and handled the murder weapon. Furthermore, "secrets" emerge casting suspicions on all the hobbyist detectives, who all have the means, motive, and opportunity to commit murder. Everyone is a suspect, just as Mrs. Jezebel Fetchim would have wanted.

The Annual Crabby Cove Town Picnic is disastrous, given the plummeting population caused by the TV shows' weekly need for victims. However, in keeping with TV tradition, Rita gathers all the suspects to the home’s “parlor” that night for a mock trial to unveil the murderer. With Rita as the prosecutor, and tipsy Doc as the judge, differences between TV murder mysteries and real-life murders are exposed in a humorous fashion. Accusations fly, and tensions rise, and a fight breaks out before Nancy Droop dives in the doorway to tackle Rita.

We learn Nancy is an agent for the FBI tracking Rita for a string of suspected murders. The Hobbyist Detectives unknowingly employed their entire arsenal of TV murder-mystery tricks: harmless distraction, misdirection, multiple suspects, and late-arriving clues, to help Nancy Droop solve the case. Rita is unable to pin Mrs. Fetchim's murder on any of the detective-wannabes. Instead, Nancy and the wannabes frame Rita for the murder, and she stupidly confesses, proving that no one ever uses their "right to remain silent" on TV murder mystery shows. “Comedy is tragedy plus time,” said Carol Burnett (among others).

THE HOBBYIST DETECTIVES