Hi, JJ Hillard. The first part of the logline is long, and I'm not sure what "the aftereffects may weaponize the boy's struggle to escape his involuntary servitude" means.

Maurice: Appreciate your comments. I was trying to find a balance between the essential backstory and the impending battle, hence the overly wordy logline. I failed to keep it at 25 words or less! My bad!!

JJ Hillard, I try to keep my loglines short, but a logline doesn't have to be 25 words or less.

I think the first part of your logline will get readers winded. Maybe take out "young" because we know from "guardians" that he's young/possibly a teen. Maybe take out "biohacker's."

What do you mean "the aftereffects may weaponize the boy's struggle"?

Maurice: The experimental (and ill-advised) medical treatment the biohacker subjects the boy to leads to unexpected physical developments that provide the child with the means to escape the torment of his family circumstances. Not sure if that makes things clearer but in the logline I was trying to intrigue/interest the reader without going into detail, so they'd be curious to know more. ;)

Very happy to report this short horror script made the PAGE Awards quarter-finals today!