THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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MICKEY, GO BOOM!
By Corey Balbuena
SYNOPSIS:
After career criminal Judd Holt accidentally kills a man in a robbery gone wrong, he finds out his victim was the high tech superhero, The Sundown Sentinel. Upon realizing that The Peace Protectors are en route to meet with their leader, Judd decides to don The Sundown Sentinel armor, and pretend to be the world's greatest hero, to ensure his freedom, and reunite with his daughter- but the con of a lifetime spins out of control when he and The Peace Protectors are called upon to battle a ruthless team of Supervillains known as The Fatewalkers.
MICKEY, GO BOOM!
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1 person likes this
Can't wait to watch this, Corey Balbuena!
I think you're close to a solid logline. I just think your logline needs a better flow.
After a hired thief accidentally kills a beloved superhero during a robbery gone wrong, he pretends to be him in order to ensure his freedom and reunite with his daughter.
Or this: After a hired thief accidentally kills a beloved superhero during a robbery gone wrong, he pretends to be him to avoid prison and reunite with his daughter.
Or this one: After a hired thief accidentally kills a beloved superhero during a robbery gone wrong, he pretends to be him to stay out of prison and reunite with his daughter.
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Thank you so much, @MauriceI have been having a hard time with loglines, I must admit lol narrowing everything down to just a few lines is an art form, I swear! I definitely appreciate the advice and will implement it to streamline and improve the logline!
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You're welcome, Corey Balbuena. It's definitely an art form. Both of your loglines are close to being five stars.
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Hi, Maurice! Is this better? I also took out the word "beloved". I thought it might be more straight to the point? What do you think?
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I think your logline is solid except I suggest keeping "beloved," Corey Balbuena. I think beloved tells the reader that the thief is going to have a harder time pretending to be the superhero because people will probably contact the superhero a lot, visit him a lot, want him to be at events, etc. since they love him so much.
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Perfect, thank you!
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You're welcome, Corey Balbuena.
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Thank you @Sijun Cui!
Thank you @Ella Scott
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Thank you @Nathaniel Baker!
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Thank you @Dwayne Williams 2!
Thank you @Grant Wiggins!
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Corey Balbuena I agree with Maurice. Just a little more logline flow, as in his idea: "After a hired thief accidentally kills a beloved superhero during a robbery gone wrong, he pretends to be him to avoid prison and reunite with his daughter."
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Thank you for rating! And yes I agree with you and Maurice, but I don't want to steal your wording or steal his wording