After an injury ends her military special-ops career, a former female soldier turned mercenary has her toughest assignment at a wellness retreat: eliminate her target before she becomes a "happy" person.
Maurice Vaughan: After an injury ends her military special-ops career, a female soldier turned mercenary has her toughest assignment at a wellness retreat: eliminate her target before she becomes a "happy" person.
probably don't need to say "female soldier" because we say "her" in the sentence. So maybe we can tighten this up a bit more? Like: "After an injury ends her military career, a former special-ops soldier turned mercenary faces her toughest assignment...at a wellness retreat."
Vikki Harris ok, cool. Thought so. In my example, the ellipsis sort of insinuate that by providing a comedic pause. I don't know if that is something you'd want to go for or not, but hopefully it is something that can help you with ideas. Best of luck!!
1 person likes this
This sounds like an exciting script, Vikki Harris. I can picture funny scenes for the movie.
I have two suggestions for the logline:
#1) Instead of putting "has her toughest assignment at a wellness retreat," explain what her goal in the story is
#2) Add the stakes to the logline
Rated this logline
Maurice Vaughan: After an injury ends her military special-ops career, a female soldier turned mercenary has her toughest assignment at a wellness retreat: eliminate her target before she becomes a "happy" person.
2 people like this
probably don't need to say "female soldier" because we say "her" in the sentence. So maybe we can tighten this up a bit more? Like: "After an injury ends her military career, a former special-ops soldier turned mercenary faces her toughest assignment...at a wellness retreat."
2 people like this
I like the wellness center piece because it seems so contrary to what you'd expect. Question... is this a comedy or is it to be played seriously?
Rated this logline
2 people like this
Derek C. Block: This is a comedy.
2 people like this
Vikki Harris ok, cool. Thought so. In my example, the ellipsis sort of insinuate that by providing a comedic pause. I don't know if that is something you'd want to go for or not, but hopefully it is something that can help you with ideas. Best of luck!!
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline