A Case Study In Slow And Steady

In car parlance, I might be a barn find -- a dust-covered vehicle that’s been unearthed after many years of storage. I wasn’t exactly in storage but I was in the barn for 40 years, inching toward the door -- i.e. my lifelong goal to be a working actress.

I worked 9 to 5 and was a single parent and couldn’t get an LA agent, so I simply did what I could around those parameters. For decades. At times my forward progress seemed imperceptible. Then in 2022, I went from zero ability to get an agent, to bi-coastal representation. In 2023, I went from zero TV credits to a co-star role with Mariska Hargitay in “Law & Order: SVU.”

If you too have been inching toward a door, I hope the following account of my snail’s pace journey will encourage you to keep going.

Ever since I was a little girl in Wisconsin watching “The Carol Burnett Show,” I wanted to be a comedic actress. That was never going to fly in my Serbian immigrant family, so I became an advertising copywriter instead.

In 1983

My first job out of college was with an ad agency that began using me in radio commercials when they discovered I could do accents and voices. It was my first foray into acting and it was magical.

In 1985

I moved to San Diego, got another ad agency job, and began doing standup at The Comedy Store. Without realizing it at the time, it was great training for auditions -- listening and staying present through extreme terror, then eventually getting past terror.

In 1986

I recklessly married someone I didn’t know well. This is where the single parenthood comes in.

In 1988

I started working as a copywriter in the marketing department of The San Diego Union-Tribune. Due to parenthood, my nights and weekends were no longer free so I went outside my job description and applied comedy to the weekly sales meeting. I even made my first film -- a parody motivational short with herky-jerky editing accomplished by plugging my 50-pound camcorder into the VCR. That fabulous sales staff of approximately 100 people was my audience for the next 20 years.

In The 1990s

I was in some San Diego State student films, which gave me my first experiences on a film set.

In 1997

“Titanic” was filmed in Rosarito Beach, Mexico, and “European looking” extras were being sought in San Diego. I am European and still couldn’t land the gig.

In 2002

I started studying acting with Billy Cowart, who took my abilities to the next level. He encouraged all his students with: “Whatever you want, it wants you just as badly and is trying to find a way to get to you.” I loved that and absolutely believed it. I continued to believe, even as all the flares I sent into the universe continued to fall to earth.

There’s a long stretch here with not much to report, so here are some other things that happened:

In 2006

“Little Miss Sunshine” opened in theaters. I loved it so much that I bought the screenplay. Screenwriter Michael Arndt wrote in the introduction: “I had no credits, no agent, no publishing history. I was -- in every external -- a complete and total loser. What I did have, though, was an enormous sense of happiness and purpose and a boundless, delusional self-confidence.” I understood this completely, and I wept with joy for a fellow dreamer who made it.

In 2011

“Bridesmaids” opened in theaters. It was hilarious and brilliant and exactly what I wanted to be doing. I was filled with such longing that it spilled out of my eyes. That same year, David Seidler won an Oscar for his screenplay, “The King's Speech.” He was 73 years old and said in his acceptance speech, “My father always said I would be a late bloomer.” It filled me with hope that it’s never too late.

In 2012

My friend Steve Montgomery and I launched a web series on YouTube -- “Christian Crafternoon” -- in which we portray spouses who bicker and Bible-share while making shoddy crafts. Our videos are far from viral, but our sheer joy and lunacy in every episode is likely why Tim Gunn of “Project Runway” became a fan and ended up in eight of our 62 episodes.

In 2014

Jim Carrey gave the commencement speech at Maharishi University and shared how his dad could have been a great comedian but instead got a “safe” job as an accountant. He was eventually let go. Jim said, “You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.” I absolutely believed that, I just couldn’t figure out how to get to the other side. I had a local agent, but needed an LA agent to submit me for TV and film auditions. I'd had no luck with self-submissions. Off and on over the years, based on my level of optimism/delusion, I’d query an LA agent. A few times I even had a referral from a fellow actor, but the result was always the same: rejection.

In 2016

While at a 48 Hour Film Project meet & greet, I reconnected with an actor who’d been in an SDSU film with me 16 years earlier. I didn’t even know his name. I just recognized him as the hitchhiker I picked up and butchered in GREEN FLY. He invited me to be on his team and I’ve been on Jonathan Hammond’s team ever since. His projects took my demo reel to the next level and account for most of the awards on my resumé.

In 2020

I made a dramedy short, “Libertyville,” about my family’s weekly pilgrimage to picnic on Grandpa’s grave, as demanded by my Serbian immigrant grandmother. Ever since I was a child, I wanted to capture this unintended comedy, and the Covid shutdown afforded me the time. The cast includes a Bosnian war refugee, a Serbian-Bosnian U.S./Canadian dual citizen and her septuagenarian mother, and two child actors from L.A. They all came to San Diego during the pandemic to make a movie with a stranger -- me. That’s the beauty of film and why I feel an instant connection to everyone on any set. We all believe in the same magic. I could not have made the film without director Devin Scott and producer Jeanne Scott of American Dream Cinema and their connections to the best crew in San Diego. I met Jeanne and Devin 30 years earlier as a voice talent on one of their projects.

In 2022

I got a free trial on Backstage.com and submitted for a mock trial project. They needed someone who could speak English with a Serbian accent. I got the gig and it turned out that a New York agent was connected to it — Lynne Grossman of Affinity Artists. She asked if I wanted representation. Fortunately, we were on the phone so she didn’t see my brain sprong out of my skull, cartoon-style. Affinity also has an office in LA, so I’m represented there as well (sprong, sprong). What were the odds that my path would intersect with Lynne’s during a two-week free trial on Backstage? Serendipity is a powerful thing.

In 2023

After a few auditions through Affinity, I booked a co-star role on “Law & Order: SVU.” While filming my scene with Mariska Hargitay and chatting with her between takes, I was levitating with joy. I felt like I’d finally stepped through some elusive portal. Weeks later, the writers’ strike began, followed by SAG-AFTRA, which took the rest of 2023 off the table.

In 2024

Early in the year, I booked a role in an indie film, “On the End,” by writer/director Ari Selinger. In yet another mind-blowing moment in my 40-year journey, my scene was with Tim Blake Nelson. I’ve done dozens of shorts, then my first full-feature has me chatting with the fabulous Tim Blake Nelson.

In the fall, I was pinned for a role in the Yellowstone spinoff “The Madison.” I ultimately didn’t get the part but I’m thrilled to be on the radar of casting director John Papsidera, and Taylor Sheridan’s production team. I believe it was CD Bella Hibbs who said that all the actors in the final round have already won, and one actor just won a little more. I love that.

Things I've Learned:

1) You can't be in a hurry.

2) Doing what you love is its own reward, regardless of the outcomes.

3) Everything happens when it should.

I believe in you, my fellow dreamers. Keep doing what you love so you'll be ready for the moment when preparation meets opportunity, also known as luck. How long have you been inching toward the barn door?

Let's hear your thoughts in the comments below!

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