The Truth About Rejection

If you’ve been pursuing your Hollywood dreams longer than 60 seconds, then you probably know all about rejection.

It’s part of the path. It’s something completely unavoidable as long as you’re taking risks and putting yourself out there.

Some rejections aren’t so bad. Others totally suck.

When a rejection hits deep, it’s common to retreat and hold yourself back from trying again. Whether you get dropped by an agent, your script is rejected from every festival, or you haven’t booked a job in awhile, those moments have the power to derail your dreams.

I remember speaking with an actor who wanted an agent but said they couldn’t get one. “How many agents did you reach out to?” I asked them. “About 10,” they replied. A few days before, my client had just signed with a top 25 manager—after cold emailing 250 managers. If she had stopped at 10, she would have missed out on her new manager, and the auditions and jobs that followed.

After working in the Hollywood industry for 14 years, I’ve learned that there are four truths about rejection. When you understand these truths, rejection doesn’t hold the same power over you.

1. Truth #1: Rejection isn’t painful. It’s the stories we tell ourselves about what that rejection means, that is painful.
2. Truth #2: Rejection is rarely personal.
3. Truth #3: Rejection is literally what success stories are made of.
4. Truth #4: Rejection usually leads to something better.

I know these are easier said than done, but if you can at least get on board with Truth #1, and let your mind use Truth #3 as proof, then you’re golden.

Truth #1: Rejection isn’t painful. It’s the stories we tell ourselves about what that rejection means, that is painful.

Have you noticed that when you get rejected your mind does something super specific?

Whenever we put ourselves out there—such as an audition, or a job interview, or script submission—and then get rejected, suddenly a gap exists between those two events. Because many times, we have no idea why we were rejected. We’re not always told why they went a different way, or why we weren’t chosen. Hence, the gap.

What does our brain do with this gap?

Our brain is like, I don’t do this gap shit. I need to know how to fill that in.

Ah, yes. That’s when our brain creates stories to fill in the gap.

Our brain doesn’t know the truth, so it creates fiction—whatever it can come up with to fill in that gap. And that’s where the harm begins:

You didn’t get this job because you suck. You’re not good enough. This is never going to happen for you.

Suddenly, we have this new information about “why” we were rejected. And those (*bullshit*) stories become more painful than the actual rejection itself. There is no proof behind those stories. But it doesn’t matter. It’s too late. Our subconscious lets them in and they become part of our belief system.

That new belief system holds us back from taking big risks. If you don’t think you’re good enough, or that this will ever happen for you, why even try? That’s when your subconscious takes the steering wheel and leads you to safer, more comfortable actions. All because your brain made up a bunch of crap!

So let’s stop telling ourselves that crap. Stop the stories before they happen. Don’t fill in the gap with fictional information. You are awesome. You will find the opportunities meant for you. And that leads me to Truth #2…

Truth #2: Rejection is rarely personal.

I had an experience that changed my view on rejection forever.

In my first few months of moving to Los Angeles, I got to design a few graphics for the TV show Entourage. At the time, Entourage was a big hit, so it was very exciting. While I only worked on a couple of episodes, I felt like part of the family. I got to hang out at E’s house! I got to eat steak from the fancy catering (because by season eight they could afford the good stuff). And most of the crew became my friends. So when a permanent position opened up the next season, I was so excited to interview. I mean, I was a shoo-in, right?! I was at E’s house! I ate the steak! I had the friends! There was no way this job wasn’t mine.

But it wasn’t. Shortly after the interview, I found out I didn’t get the job. Some other girl named Jackie got the job. She knew a producer or something—her connections were higher up than mine. I didn’t know the details, all I knew was this was my first Hollywood rejection and it sucked. I questioned my talent. I questioned my personality. Was I not good enough? How did this happen? Even with all my connections, they still didn’t want me. I was devastated and took it personally.

Many years later, when I was in the union, cruising along on lots of TV shows, a friend reached out to me. She said, “Hey Erica! I have this friend, Jackie, who is looking for some advice on getting into the union. Could you talk to her?” Yes, that Jackie. I could feel the old insecurities come brimming to the surface. But years had passed, and I’m a nice person. So, of course I said “Yes.” And I reveled in the irony: this girl who beat me out for a job was now needing my help to advance her career.

When Jackie and I connected, I melted into a puddle of shame. She was the sweetest girl who had so much in common with me. I began to let my guard down and let her in. And that’s when she told me something that changed everything…

It turns out that Jackie met her husband on Entourage. She met her husband! I mean, holy crap! Talk about there being a reason Jackie had to get that job over me. Since then, Jackie has had two kids with her husband. I went to one of her baby showers. It blows my mind to think that if I got that job, those babies may not exist! Jackie’s love story may not exist! And I finally understood that the rejection had absolutely nothing to do with me. It was Jackie’s time. My time would come later. Rejection is rarely personal.

And if you need proof (your subconscious is starving for it), head to Truth #3.

Truth #3: Rejection is literally what success stories are made of.

If we take a look at any successful person in history, their paths are littered with rejections. Lisa Kudrow was fired from Frasier. Fired! She booked a role on a pilot expected to be a hit and was freaking fired. Guess what she booked after that? Friends.

Melissa McCarthy put on a comedy show with her friends early in her career and only one person showed up to sit in the audience. One! Melissa McCarthy is now one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood.

J.K. Rowling’s original Harry Potter pitch was rejected 12 times. Harry Freaking Potter! The people who rejected that one must be kicking themselves.

Meryl Streep was rejected for a role in the movie King Kong. The producer said she was too ugly. Now Meryl Streep has been nominated for 21 Oscars. Twenty-freaking-one!

Jeremy Platt, producer of Sweet Tooth on Netflix, shared a rejection letter he received years before. It said, “No one is going to buy a deer boy show and definitely no one is going to make it.” A few years later, Sweet Tooth was the number one show on Netflix in the United States.

I can also tell you that of the 39 TV shows and films I’ve worked on, I never once booked the job from an interview. I’ve had four TV interviews throughout my career and I never got the job from any of them. Are you seeing a pattern here? This is Truth #3: Rejection is literally what success stories are made of.

So now Truth #4 becomes obvious…

Truth #4: Rejection usually leads to something better.

Years ago, I got to work on one season of The Middle. It wasn’t a great experience and I knew I wasn’t going to be asked back for the next season.

Even though I didn’t even want to go back, my ego still had a hard time accepting this fate. I still felt all of those rejection pangs.

Eventually, I booked another job—that I wouldn’t have been able to take if I stayed on The Middle. This new job was the best experience I ever had on a television show. The crew was great, the cast was great, we were telling an important story that was making a difference in people’s lives, and my boss became a close friend. If I wasn’t essentially fired from The Middle, I wouldn’t have had this other amazing experience that was way better than my time on The Middle.

If you keep going after every rejection, you will be led to something better. Rejection doesn’t have to sting so much or hold us back from our next steps. It doesn't need to hold power over us. And it definitely does not determine your potential.

Rejection is also a sign that you’re on the right track—it means that you’re putting yourself out there and taking risks. With every rejection, you’re even closer to your yes. Don’t stop when you’re three feet from gold.

About Erica Wernick

Hollywood’s Success Coach, Erica Wernick helps artists create success in one of the most “impossible” industries so they can live the life they’ve always dreamed of.

After breaking into Hollywood with no connections, and booking her first TV show just two weeks after moving to LA, Erica has spent over a decade living her dream designing graphics for television. You can see her work on hit shows like Glee, Superstore, and most recently, This Is Us.

Author of Meant For This: The Mindset And Strategy To Achieve Your Most “Impossible” Dreams, Erica now helps Hollywood artists get to the next level of their career, no matter how “unrealistic” it seems. From actors to writers to directors and every craft in between, Erica has developed a reputation for helping artists access their inner greatness and achieve the goals that used to feel out of reach.

Erica is a member of the Television Academy, and between herself and her clients, they’ve booked work on over 60 television shows and films on Netflix, Hulu, HBO, FOX, ABC, and CBS just to name a few.

hollywoodsuccesscoach.com

Instagram: @hollywoodsuccesscoach

Facebook: facebook.com/hollywoodsuccesscoach

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/erica-wernick

Podcast: Apple Podcasts; Spotify

Meant For This: The Mindset And Strategy To Achieve Your Most "Impossible" Dreams: meantforthisbook.com

Let's hear your thoughts in the comments below!

Got an idea for a post? Or have you collaborated with Stage 32 members to create a project? We'd love to hear about it. Email Taylor at taylor@stage32.com and let's get your post published!

Please help support your fellow Stage 32ers by sharing this on social. Check out the social media buttons at the top to share on Instagram @stage32 , Twitter @stage32 , Facebook @stage32 , and LinkedIn @stage-32 .

Take Stage 32 with you! Download the Stage 32 app for iOS here. Android User? Click here for the Stage 32 Android App!