THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES

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LAWYERS, GUNS, AND MONEY
By Joseph D. Wulczynski

GENRE: Sci-fi, Comedy
LOGLINE:

They were working on a dream but needed to stop space aliens from harvesting cow anuses before they could allow those dreams to blossom.  

SYNOPSIS:

John and Craig own an illegal pot farm, with plans of financing their life dream. One night, space aliens crash land in the field, steal Craig's cell phone and run off into the woods. The duo decides not to inform the proper authorities (whoever that may be) in fear of their crop being discovered. The next day, they discover someone is removing the anuses of local cattle. Local law enforcement begins to investigate the incidents, and out of guilt and fear; the duo decides to hire a tracker to kill the aliens. They hire a barred cynical lawyer and soon the trio is searching for the aliens. They are joined by an overzealous Fish and Wildlife Officer, who has her way of dealing with poachers. During this critical moment in their lives, Craig begins suffering from Nomophobia and must come to terms with his cell phone addiction. The team elicits the help of the local sheriff who misunderstands the situation and calls in ICE to assist. There is quirky bonding amongst the group and John begins to fall for the Wildlife Officer as Craig looks for cell phone comfort alternatives to include staring at the sun to feel its radiant heat on his face. After a failed explosive attempt by poachers to kill the aliens, one alien is captured and Craig gets his cell phone back. Receiving "experts" from the local university, the group tries to communicate with the captured alien. Using cell phones, a line of communication is open and the group learns that the aliens mean no harm, they are there to harvest the anus of cattle, which has medicinal purposes on their planet. When aliens from another system come and steal two children, forcing the closure of all parks, the species come together to rescue them. It's a return to cattle country and the two species set up an ambush to kill the alien and free the children. The creature is killed and the children freed; however, the alien had not arrived alone and the group ends up battling two more creatures. Once it’s assured that the children of the area are safe and the parks may reopen, the two species come to an agreement and the aliens return to their planet and everybody continues with their lives, except for the Lawyer; who dies in a car crash.

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