Hi everyone, I'm Caroline writing from France. Very new to this website but I'm amazed by the positivity and kindness :) I've uploaded my first logline/ screenplay on my profile, if anyone feels like looking at it ... I'd be grateful for any constructive feedback. Stay safe and thank you for reading me :)
Register / Log In
1 person likes this
Welcome Caroline & Stay well!
1 person likes this
Welcome. I'll take a look at your logline.
2 people like this
Hi, Caroline. Welcome!!!! I read your logline. I felt the opening words about the miscarriages were great. This drew me in. But the back half didn't really tell me much about where the story goes, wha...
Expand commentHi, Caroline. Welcome!!!! I read your logline. I felt the opening words about the miscarriages were great. This drew me in. But the back half didn't really tell me much about where the story goes, what she does about her situation, what obstacles she faces. I would like to see some of this. Nice start. I wish you all the best.
2 people like this
Hi Caroline. I found this guide on screenwriting website that sums up the structure of the logline pretty well.
When [INCITING INCIDENT OCCURS]…
A [CHARACTER TYPE]…
Must [OBJECTIVE]…
Before [STAKES].
S...
Expand commentHi Caroline. I found this guide on screenwriting website that sums up the structure of the logline pretty well.
When [INCITING INCIDENT OCCURS]…
A [CHARACTER TYPE]…
Must [OBJECTIVE]…
Before [STAKES].
So I would rewrite it to be more concise and then include the stakes the end.
"After suffering a string of miscarriages, a Traumatized Gioia must find peace with herself or suffer living with a broken spirit"
Just an example. I am sure you could work it into something better.
Thank you so much for your comments ... Really helpful I appreciate it :)