Already in the crosshairs of a ruthless property developer, a homeless black woman discovers an ancient magical sword that shows her visions of the coming apocalypse and her newfound role in stopping it.
Hi Maurice Vaughan. Yes, I'm writing it as a TV show. I may be able to write a trimmed down version as a feature script at some point, but there's a lot of themes in the current version that would be difficult to do justice to in 90-120 minutes.
I think the "Already in the crosshairs of a ruthless property developer" part could use some work. I'm having trouble seeing how it ties in with the rest of the logline and the story.
Yeah Maurice Vaughan, tbh, I wasn't too fond of that part myself... but he does serve as the "real-world" antagonist of the story - and for the first season, at least, he would be a more immediate threat - so I needed to put him in there somehow.
He's paying off street gangs to deliberately cause havoc in neighbourhoods to drive down property values so his company can buy them up (a real-world tactic used by organised crime syndicates, among others, so nothing fanciful there). Our protagonist gets in his way, so he wants her dead.
I like the concept, John Austin. Is it a show?
1 person likes this
Hi Maurice Vaughan. Yes, I'm writing it as a TV show. I may be able to write a trimmed down version as a feature script at some point, but there's a lot of themes in the current version that would be difficult to do justice to in 90-120 minutes.
Cool, John Austin. I asked before I rated your logline because the logline format for a feature and a show can be different.
Rated this logline
I think the "Already in the crosshairs of a ruthless property developer" part could use some work. I'm having trouble seeing how it ties in with the rest of the logline and the story.
1 person likes this
Yeah Maurice Vaughan, tbh, I wasn't too fond of that part myself... but he does serve as the "real-world" antagonist of the story - and for the first season, at least, he would be a more immediate threat - so I needed to put him in there somehow.
He's paying off street gangs to deliberately cause havoc in neighbourhoods to drive down property values so his company can buy them up (a real-world tactic used by organised crime syndicates, among others, so nothing fanciful there). Our protagonist gets in his way, so he wants her dead.
Rated this logline
Maybe drop "Already," John Austin. I think the first part of the logline would sound better.