THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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A POSITIVE CONTRIBUTION
By Heather L McQuaid
When a complacent doctor - who performs memory-erasure procedures on criminals at a Government Institute - realises her memories have been altered, she braves an escape to rescue her 'forgotten' daughter before her memory is wiped.
SYNOPSIS:
In the near future, criminals are given a choice - go to prison or get their memories wiped and replaced with fictional ones so they can make a positive contribution to society.
Grace works as a doctor at Blackmoor Institute. Her job is to inform her 'clients' about the procedure and prepare them for the memory wipe. But her world is turned upside down when a new client, a man claiming to be her husband, shows her a photo of a happy family, including their daughter, whom he's hidden to prevent the government from wiping her memory.
After her husband's memory is erased, Grace decides to risk her comfortable life by escaping from the Institute to find her daughter.
***
Story by Bree Mitchell, Screenplay by Heather McQuaid
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1 person likes this
Wow, Heather L McQuaid! Really unique idea! High concept!
I don't think "bored" is the right word for the logline. The logline has a Thriller feel. "Bored" doesn't match that tone.
Also, I think you should elaborate on "braves a daring escape to save the daughter she can't remember." Something like: "A ________ doctor, who makes a positive contribution to society by wiping memories of criminals, escapes from a mind-wipe institute (?????) to save the daughter she can't remember."
Maurice Vaughan You are right, as usual! I wasn't happy with 'bored', I've switched to apathetic (to increase the irony, because an apathetic doctor is not someone you'd expect to take interest in a client, break the rules, etc.). I'd say this could be classed as a psychological thriller, but it's not action packed, it's about some shocking realisations coming home to roost. Maybe I need to portray that aspect more in the logline, as I don't want to make it sound like and an out-and-out Thriller. And also good advice to name the thing she's escaping from...I've gone with Memory-Replacement Institute, though that does mean there's a lot references to memory and remembering. :)
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Original idea, high concept, intriguing inciting incident, and a specific high stakes goal for the protagonist—all of those elements come together to make your logline a compelling one. My only criticism is that at forty-five words, your logline runs too long. I recommend editing it down below forty words.
Sabrina Miller thanks for the suggestion! I did have a shorter original logline, which was something like "When a complacent doctor - who makes a positive contribution to society by wiping the memories of criminals - realises her past life was erased, she braves an escape to rescue her daughter before her memories are wiped." which is 38 words. Do you think that's more effective?
Heather, I've been reworking your logline. After quite a few iterations, I stumbled upon this version:
When a complacent doctor--who performs memory-erasure procedures on criminals--discovers she’s the victim of memory alteration, she escapes captivity at a Memory-Replacement Institute to rescue her newly-remembered daughter from a mind-wipe.
What do you think of this version?
1 person likes this
Sabrina Miller thanks so much! I like the 'who performs memory-erasure procedures on criminals'. In the story, she chooses to have memory wipe, so it's not clear whether she's a victim per se. And might be a few to many references to memory (as my logline did!), so I might take out the "Memory-Replacement Institute...unless I can find another way to describe it.