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THE HOTLINE (2016) "PROOF OF CONCEPT"
By Rick Jay Glen
SYNOPSIS:
"The Hotline" is a story about a woman whose desire to help others with feelings of depression and suicide faces a moral dilemma when an alcoholic calls seeking professional help. Coming face to face with a man guilty of the unforgivable, she must decide whether or not his life is worth saving.
Valerie Michaels lives alone in a studio apartment, surrounded by framed memories of her beloved deceased husband, daughter, and granddaughter. We begin with a montage of layered audio of phone calls from desperate people who dialed a suicide prevention line that is no longer in service. Valarie listens to and provides comfort and inspiring words to help people struggling with their issues. While on the phone with a young woman, Sabrina, who is bullied for being gay, Valarie fails to help her. The young woman takes her own life over the phone.
Valarie showers off the trauma of losing someone she was eager to save. While processing the loss, Valarie’s friend Abby calls to chat and tries to convince Valerie that she’s taking on too much, helping complete strangers. Valerie reminds Abby of the reason she helps those in need of comfort, and Abby provides some comic relief to our melancholy heroine. The two of them make dinner plans before Valerie hangs up.
As the evening comes to a close, Valarie makes a cup of tea, when suddenly the phone rings. Valarie jerks in response, burning her hand with the kettle water. She grabs a bag of frozen peas and looks at the caller ID, only to see “Private Number” displayed. She tentatively answers the phone, only to hear a man softly breathing, not saying a word. She hangs up quickly. Seconds later, the phone rings again from a “Private Number". Valarie answers terrified, warning the creep on the other end to speak or she’ll hang up. The man apologizes, and begins to talk about his struggles, but doesn’t provide his name.
After the man opens up about his pain, he finally tells her that his name is James. James explains the downward spiral his life has taken from the moment his daughter became sick, and his wife began keeping him at a distance. Valerie listens intently and begins to express her sympathy for James while carefully probing him further. As the conversation carries on throughout the night, James and Valerie begin to develop a rapport and even get a bit flirty.
Valerie inquires about the root of his suffering until he reveals an accident in which he was involved, that took the life of a woman and her young daughter. As he explains the details of the accident, Valerie sits in terror, as it becomes apparent that James was the drunk driver who killed Valerie’s daughter and granddaughter. James begs for her forgiveness, but Valerie screams at him for destroying her life, then angrily hangs up the phone and slams it on the coffee table.
She melts down, panicking throughout the house, losing herself to the emotional trauma of coming “face-to-face" with the man who single-handedly took her family. Stunned by the realization that she likely drove James to take his own life, she frantically looks through caller ID only to remember that his number was private. After her eruption, she sits quietly on the couch waiting for James to call back. The phone rings again. Valerie lifts the phone to her ear, trembling. The scene cuts to black, as we hear young woman speak, "hello?"
End.
(2022 script revision in process)
THE HOTLINE (2016) "PROOF OF CONCEPT"
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A widow receiving misdials from people in crisis is a unique concept, Rick Jay Glen. It covers important topics (mental health, depression, suicide, helping others, forgiveness).
I think the logline needs some work. I suggest explaining what the widow does (her goal in the story) instead of putting "faces a moral dilemma," which is vague. I also think the logline has too many commas.
Here's a logline template that might help:
"After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the protagonist with an adjective) tries/attempts to _______ (goal of story) so ________ (stakes)."
Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline. The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline.
Example #1:
"After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won't steal food that's meant for hungry dog families."
Example #2:
"A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help."
I tried to put your idea into a one-sentence logline, but I think you might need to use two sentences.
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Rick Jay Glen I think you should break up your synopsis into paragraphs so it's easier to read. Hope these suggestions help.
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Maurice Vaughan I gotta say, as much as I appreciate your refresher on the structure of a logline, it’s quite humbling to be taken to school like that after being a writer for 12 years. lol
You’re not wrong, but there’s a reason why I didn’t follow the conventional logline checklist for this script, and its not because the structure of a logline hasn’t been drilled into my brain a billion times.
I promise you, it has. Lol
It’s not a standard story structure and I broke several rules that needed to be broken in order to tell a more honest story about human struggle, rather than the typical:
(Protagonist) (battles/solves) (enemy/problem) to (become/achieve) (better version of self/building a better world).
Ultimately, her goal is irrelevant. While that might seem like a problem, I know. It’s very risky, but I’m not aiming for a conventional story. The story should make people relate to the struggle of someone who wants to do good, challenged by the deepest pain she has ever felt, along with the inability to forgive someone who destroyed her world.
Consider how you might write a logline for an episode of “Black Mirror”. Often, it’s the character’s goals that lead them down a path of self-destruction. And most of the time, their goals aren’t achieved because they’re after immoral or even unobtainable things. The absence of the desired outcome renders her initial goal irrelevant.
The intention is to have audiences on her side when we end with her making a selfish choice.
This is NOT written as a “happy ending” story. If anything, it’s a “life will go on either way” story.
I’ll workshop the logline, but I don’t expect it will necessarily follow the conventional format.
I also have a bias against loglines that begin with “After …….” or “When a …….” (read too many that start like that and it’s as irritating as a paragraph were every sentence begins with ‘I’ ). Hahaha
As for my synopsis not being in paragraphs… I don’t have an explanation for that. I wrote it in paragraphs, but when I submitted it, it posted as a single paragraph. There were even several attempts made to edit it, and it still posts as a single paragraph. Go figure.
Thanks for tips! Even the ones I’m well aware of! Always well received.
Cheers!
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You're welcome, Rick Jay Glen. I completely understand. Not all stories fit in a logline template, a certain synopsis format, or a certain script act structure.
When you posted your synopsis, did you copy it from Microsoft Word? It helps to copy a synopsis from Microsoft Word (I'm not sure if it's the same thing with other writing programs). And did you post it as "Paste" or "Paste as Plain Text"? Sometimes when I post a synopsis as "Paste as Plain Text," the paragraphs don't separate. When I post the synopsis as "Paste," the paragraphs are formatted right.
And it's cool how you used the phone in the title picture.
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Maurice Vaughan I copied it from my iPad notes, and just pasted it. I’ll try doing what you suggested, though, or I’lll just rewrite it.
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