In a small, conservative Italian village, a gifted young singer, stifled by her overbearing mother, grapples with an unexpected pregnancy as she strives to pursue her dreams by auditioning for an important talent show.
Great logline, Nour Gharbi. I only have one suggestion: Change "must hide" to "tries to hide."
Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the main character is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the main character doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc. This is just a preference though, not a rule.
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Great logline, Nour Gharbi. I only have one suggestion: Change "must hide" to "tries to hide."
Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the main character is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the main character doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc. This is just a preference though, not a rule.
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Thank you Maurice, I've just changed it. I agree with what you said, it's also more accurate.
You're welcome, Nour Gharbi. I suggest only having one logline though.
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Rated this logline