Mark Giacomin This looks like an awesome creepy, scary story. I'm a bit confused by the logline.

Is this what you mean?

After a savage murder in her crumbling apartment building, a twentysomething recluse staves off a steely police detective and six other residents who threaten her obsessively contained existence.

Too much information: An unseen recluse's perfect setting is threatened by a police detective investigating a gruesome murder in the building. Sounds like a great, interesting story.

Hey Robin Gregory, I get what you mean. While this is the first time I've posted the logline for this on here, it's about the fifth iteration. I'll get there in the end.

Hi Vikki Harris, heh, heh, I cannot disagree. Deep down, I know I should keep loglines simple but I can't help myself!

Mark Giacomin Mark, Robin and Vikki are right. Your story sounds interesting, but the longline is convoluted. It's also 47 words, so needs at least a dozen cut. In addition, the following are two independent clauses, so create a comma splice: "A twentysomething recluse never leaves her apartment, her neighbors claim to have never seen her," Robin's reworking is only 28 words, and encapsulates all that needs to be said; however, you might consider "agoraphobic existence" instead of "obsessively contained."

Hi Anthony Murphy , funnily enough, one of the initial seeds for the script was a person not leaving her apartment. It's tricky one. I know everyone will get it if I write 'agoraphobic' but I've avoided it thus far (rightly or wrongly). Having memories buried so deep leads to the character's condition, essentially she is agoraphobic for part of the script, she is afraid but she doesn't know what she's afraid of. I guess I didn't specifically use the term because I was thinking of her character in the context of the whole script (I haven't seen Copycat in ages, but that's a film I remember with an agoraphobic character). Initially, it is the fear of leaving her apartment, then it develops into fear of other people in the building.

Genuine thanks for all the comments - given me something to ponder.

Mark Giacomin It's an interesting story.

Super premise, and cool graphic Mark Giacomin