Jelica Zdravković: Student and screenwriter in Belgrade, Serbia.

OOPS! TYPO there. I meant STAGE 32 network.

They are very big Jelica Zdravković

After looking at some of the comments you might want to think twice Jelica Zdravković and use the writers room here to promote your creations. Just a thought.

They asked for two of my scripts and I never heard back from them. That's usually the same story I hear from other people. I don't know anyone who they have actually signed.

I like your pitch, Adam Brandt. It’s entertaining and you did a great job describing the characters, story, and obstacles. Here are some suggestions:

#1) Use the extra space at the bottom of both pages for something. That’s a lot of room. I suggest using that room to add more to your pitch.

#2) Mention the tone of the series.

#3) Add a comma after “Dixie-Mae” (1st page, 6th paragraph)

#4) On the 1st page, 6th paragraph, it says, “She took Dixie-Mae 21, after Sr. decided to buy Jr. Bitcoin for his 13th birthday.” That’s a strange reason for a mom to take her daughter from her dad. I suggest explaining that a little more.

#5) You mention that Elsa operates a dessert truck twice in the pitch (1st page, paragraphs 5 and 7).

#6) On the 2nd page, 5th paragraph, add a comma before “not expecting to stay.”

#7) Briefly talk about the future seasons at the end of the 2nd page.

#8) Maybe end the pitch with something entertaining, like you did with “Damn, queasy stomach!” on the 1st page, 4th paragraph.

"Corn-Dog Ken.” Haha

Maurice Vaughan you always come through with some of the best advice! Fixed and found a way to squeeze in a couple more paragraphs. Thanks friend!

You're welcome, Adam Brandt. Ok, great!

He's trapped. I already changed it for that word.

Third one is most complete.

Thanks Kiril Maksimoski

As Craig says. Or said in a slightly different way:

There is just too little story to judge about, first page or not. There simply isn't enough context yet. Pro or amateur judging this page, that doesn't even matter. Could be great, I just don't know. The only thing I can say is that I would cut the "ing" form.

Try not to stress over every little thing, at least not yet. You'll make a lot of drafts anyway.

If you set up the place correctly and have developed characters, the dialogue will come on its own.

Instead of "Jasper loves every moment of it", It's better to describe his action like how he express that he is enjoying. keep writing. All the best!

Michael - 3-4 scripts a year is pretty good output. Why is it you feel you need to write more than that?

I write everyday, but how much time varies. It can be a hour or two or a whole day if things are rolling for me.

May the New Year bring all Writers new inspiration, plenty of time to craft it, and lots of Rewards and Recognition. Best to you all!

Go forth and conquer!

I hope you had a great Christmas, Jelica Zdravković. Hope 2024 brings us happiness and many work opportunities too. Best to you on writing your book. I suggest checking out the Authoring & Playwriting Lounge for tips and resources (www.stage32.com/lounge/playwriting). I'm about to check out your logline.

A pantomime who kidnaps a child is a very good and creepy concept. Good job.